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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the change in ownerships of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in housholds in oun country between 1920 to 2019.

The charts below show the change in ownerships of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in housholds in oun country between 1920 to 2019.
#show #change #ownerships #appliances #amount #time #housework #housholds #oun #country
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The chart provides information about the relation
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of hours of
housework
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of electrical appliances per household during the period 1920 to 2019.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the usage of electrical appliances has an increasing trend
whereas
Linking Words
 the amount of time dedicated to
housework
Use synonyms
 shows a downturn. First of all,
refrigerator
Add an article
the refrigerator
show examples
 was the least used electronic device compared to washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 which rated roughly 5% in 1920.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it had a sharp increase to 55% in 1940, 90% in 1960 and reached a peak in 1980 at 100%.
Then
Linking Words
 it remained stable until 2019. Vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 climbed up steadily from 30% in 1920 to 100% in 2000
then
Linking Words
 stayed constant until 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of washing machine usage slightly fluctuated.
It's
Correct your spelling
Its
show examples
 figure rose from 40% in 1920 to 70% in 1960 but had
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 fall in 1980 to approximately 65%.
Then
Linking Words
 it increased constantly again to nearly 78% in 2019. We can see that as number of hours of
housework
Use synonyms
 per week, per household showed a decreasing tendency as more people started to use
electronical
Correct your spelling
electrical
electronic
 appliances. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the amount of time used for
housework
Use synonyms
 dropped dramatically from 50% in 1920 to 20% in 1960.
Then
Linking Words
 it had a gradual decline until 2019 to 10%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words housework with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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