IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better to spend and enjoy their money once they earn it. Others think it is better to save their money and enjoy it in the future. Which stand do you agree with and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #money #future #support
Nowadays, some people believe
that is
 better to save
money
 in order to have a better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 in the
future
,
while
 other ones think that they should spend their
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 once they earn it.
According to
 the way I see it, people should save their
money
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss why it
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a better idea to save your finances and how could
this
 affect your
future
.
Firstly
, is important to have some
money
 aside to ensure that everything that you need is covered in the
future
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that our society is constantly changing, and you never know
wen
Correct your spelling
when
show examples
 you will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 your job.
For example
, in 2008 a huge crisis
destoyed
Correct your spelling
destroyed
 a lot of jobs and
as a result
 of that, a lot of people
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 their houses, because they did not have the
money
 to pay
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
mortage
Correct your spelling
mortgages
. If they
would have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 saved some
money
, they probably would
be
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 able to pay their bills and keep their home.
Secondly
, If you do not have enough
money
, you will not be able to
affront
Verb problem
afford
show examples
 difficulties,
such
 as severe deceases.
This
 is because some hospitals give you
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 expensive receipt in order to treat you,
otherwise
, if you are not able to pay, you will not
receibe
Correct your spelling
receive
 the medical attention that you need.
For example
, when I went to the USA, I saw how a woman with
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 broken leg had to go to another hospital, because the one that was closer to her, was
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 expensive.
To conclude
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is important to save
money
 for the
future
 years, in order to have a better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 when you are a
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
show examples
 person.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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task response
Consider reading through your essay to correct minor spelling errors such as 'wen' instead of 'when', 'loose' instead of 'lose', 'mortage' instead of 'mortgage', 'affront' instead of 'face', 'deceases' instead of 'diseases', 'recieve' instead of 'receive'. Additionally, ensure the tense of the verbs is consistent and appropriate for the context.
coherence and cohesion
Try to refine your introduction to more clearly convey the structure of your essay. While you have introduced your stand and provided a brief outline of the essay, structuring this more effectively can enhance your response. For example, 'In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why saving money is a better idea and how it can positively impact one's future.'
task response
Your essay provides a clear stand and maintains consistency in advocating for saving money throughout the essay. The examples provided are relevant and help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are logically organized, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, contributing to the overall coherence of your essay. The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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