In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#aomw #cultures #children #achive #message

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There are many

sociaties

Correct your spelling

societies

in the world,

children

Use synonyms

are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard accurately. Doing hard work, there are many advantages and disadvantages. I will describe my

expecibe

Correct your spelling

experience

in more detail below. On the one hand, there are many advantages,

to begin

Linking Words

with,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

motivation

Use synonyms

might change

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and encourage them gradually.

Linking Words

Thus

Correct your spelling

This

show examples

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to increase physical activities to get a successful life.

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

sports

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

doctor

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doctors

show examples

, scientists and so on.

Secondly

Linking Words

, in our society,

such

Linking Words

as Bangladesh is my country. There are many

children

Use synonyms

whom

Change the pronoun

who

show examples

are very

capabale

Correct your spelling

capable

to do

Change preposition

of doing

show examples

hard work.

By contrast

Linking Words

, they have no

risk taking

Add a hyphen

risk-taking

show examples

abilities. A good

motivation

Use synonyms

speach

Correct your spelling

speech

can grow up their risk abilities.

Finally

Linking Words

, a

failure

Replace the word

failed

show examples

person

thought

Wrong verb form

thinks

show examples

they are

gurb

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grub

for

nation

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the nation

show examples

. A supportive

motivation

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could remove

stressness

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stress

. So they

started

Add the particle

started to

show examples

try again and again and never

give

Wrong verb form

gave

show examples

up.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are many drawbacks,

To begin

Linking Words

with, it is true that supportive

speach

Correct your spelling

speech

boost

Correct subject-verb agreement

boosts

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

capability but sometimes

created

Wrong verb form

creates

show examples

a lot of

depressions

Fix the agreement mistake

depression

show examples

. By following

motivation

Use synonyms

, they sacrifice

socail

Correct your spelling

social

and personal activities.

For example

Linking Words

, sleep, meeting with friends, and so on.

As a result

Linking Words

, they will suffer from physical and mental

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Also

Linking Words

, pushing them

too

Change preposition

under too

show examples

much pressure

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

create

Change the verb form

creates

show examples

a lot of problems. Sometimes they would addicted

Change preposition

show examples

drugs

Linking Words

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

create social problems.In

conclution

Correct your spelling

conclusion

with

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apply

show examples

a good positive speech would encourage

children

Use synonyms

to get

success

Replace the word

successful

show examples

such

Linking Words

as Leo

Messk

Correct your spelling

Messi

, Nyamer,

Pro

Correct word choice

and Pro

show examples

. Muhammad Younus, and so on. But sometimes it could

damange

Correct your spelling

damage

their life.

Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on Sat Sep 07 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds to the task and addresses the advantages and disadvantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are too general. More specific examples and explanations would improve your score.

coherence cohesion

There are several grammatical and spelling errors that affect readability. Pay attention to simple mistakes such as 'sociaties' (societies) and 'sacrifice socail' (sacrifice social).

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical flow in some places. Try to structure your essay logically, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and clearly linking your points together.

coherence cohesion

Improve your introduction by clearly stating what the essay will discuss. Similarly, a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points more effectively would be beneficial.

task achievement

You have made a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.

task achievement

Your essay shows your personal engagement with the topic, which is positive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

252 words

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In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Aircraft have been increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or are out of season. Some people consider it a good trend, but some people oppose it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that universities students should specialise in a particular subject while others believe that they should study a range of subjects. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some think it is a good way to spend, while others think there are other better options. Discuss both views and give your opinion.