In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#aomw #cultures #children #achive #message

There are many

sociaties

Correct your spelling

societies

in the world,

children

are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard accurately. Doing hard work, there are many advantages and disadvantages. I will describe my

expecibe

Correct your spelling

experience

in more detail below. On the one hand, there are many advantages,

to begin

with,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

motivation

might change

children

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children's

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and encourage them gradually.

Thus

Correct your spelling

This

show examples

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to increase physical activities to get a successful life.

such

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apply

show examples

sports

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

doctor

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doctors

show examples

, scientists and so on.

Secondly

, in our society,

such

as Bangladesh is my country. There are many

children

whom

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who

show examples

are very

capabale

Correct your spelling

capable

to do

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of doing

show examples

hard work.

By contrast

, they have no

risk taking

Add a hyphen

risk-taking

show examples

abilities. A good

motivation

speach

Correct your spelling

speech

can grow up their risk abilities.

Finally

, a

failure

Replace the word

failed

show examples

person

thought

Wrong verb form

thinks

show examples

they are

gurb

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grub

for

nation

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the nation

show examples

. A supportive

motivation

could remove

stressness

Correct your spelling

stress

. So they

started

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started to

show examples

try again and again and never

give

Wrong verb form

gave

show examples

up.

On the other hand

, there are many drawbacks,

To begin

with, it is true that supportive

speach

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speech

boost

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boosts

show examples

the

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apply

show examples

capability but sometimes

created

Wrong verb form

creates

show examples

a lot of

depressions

Fix the agreement mistake

depression

show examples

. By following

motivation

, they sacrifice

socail

Correct your spelling

social

and personal activities.

For example

, sleep, meeting with friends, and so on.

As a result

, they will suffer from physical and mental

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Also

, pushing them

too

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under too

show examples

much pressure

that

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apply

show examples

create

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creates

show examples

a lot of problems. Sometimes they would addicted

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show examples

drugs

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

create social problems.In

conclution

Correct your spelling

conclusion

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a good positive speech would encourage

children

to get

success

Replace the word

successful

show examples

such

as Leo

Messk

Correct your spelling

Messi

, Nyamer,

Pro

Correct word choice

and Pro

show examples

. Muhammad Younus, and so on. But sometimes it could

damange

Correct your spelling

damage

their life.

Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on Sat Sep 07 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds to the task and addresses the advantages and disadvantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are too general. More specific examples and explanations would improve your score.

coherence cohesion

There are several grammatical and spelling errors that affect readability. Pay attention to simple mistakes such as 'sociaties' (societies) and 'sacrifice socail' (sacrifice social).

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical flow in some places. Try to structure your essay logically, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and clearly linking your points together.

coherence cohesion

Improve your introduction by clearly stating what the essay will discuss. Similarly, a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points more effectively would be beneficial.

task achievement

You have made a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.

task achievement

Your essay shows your personal engagement with the topic, which is positive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Research has show that the transpotation of products are the main source of pollution. Some people believe that the governmant should be in charge of this, while others believe that it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

discuss both views: some people believe family influence the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

Professional sports person are often idolized by the youth. Some people think that they, therefore, have a responsibility to be role models at all times for children. Do you agree or disagree?