In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
There are many
sociaties
in the world, Correct your spelling
societies
children
are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard accurately. Doing hard work, there are many advantages and disadvantages. I will describe my expecibe
in more detail below. On the one hand, there are many advantages, Correct your spelling
experience
to begin
with, a
good Correct article usage
apply
motivation
might change children
Change noun form
children's
life
and encourage them gradually. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
help
to increase physical activities to get a successful life.Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
such
as,
sports Remove the comma
apply
person
,Fix the agreement mistake
people
doctor
, scientists and so on. Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
Secondly
, in our society, such
as Bangladesh is my country. There are many children
, whom
are very Change the pronoun
who
capabale
Correct your spelling
capable
to do
hard work.Change preposition
of doing
By contrast
, they have no risk taking
abilities. A good Add a hyphen
risk-taking
motivation
speach
can grow up their risk abilities.Correct your spelling
speech
Finally
, a failure
person Replace the word
failed
thought
they are Wrong verb form
thinks
gurb
for Correct your spelling
grub
nation
. A supportive Add an article
the nation
motivation
could remove stressness
. So they Correct your spelling
stress
started
try again and again and never Add the particle
started to
give
up. Wrong verb form
gave
On the other hand
, there are many drawbacks, To begin
with, it is true that supportive speach
Correct your spelling
speech
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
the
capability but sometimes Correct article usage
apply
created
a lot of Wrong verb form
creates
depressions
. By following Fix the agreement mistake
depression
motivation
, they sacrifice socail
and personal activities. Correct your spelling
social
For example
, sleep, meeting with friends, and so on. As a result
, they will suffer from physical and mental problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Also
, pushing them too
much pressure Change preposition
under too
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
create
a lot of problems. Sometimes they would addicted Change the verb form
creates
by
drugs Change preposition
to
then
create social problems.In Correct word choice
and then
conclution
, Correct your spelling
conclusion
with
a good positive speech would encourage Change preposition
apply
children
to get success
, Replace the word
successful
such
as Leo Messk
, Nyamer, Correct your spelling
Messi
Pro
. Muhammad Younus, and so on. But sometimes it could Correct word choice
and Pro
damange
their life.Correct your spelling
damage
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on
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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task and addresses the advantages and disadvantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are too general. More specific examples and explanations would improve your score.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical and spelling errors that affect readability. Pay attention to simple mistakes such as 'sociaties' (societies) and 'sacrifice socail' (sacrifice social).
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical flow in some places. Try to structure your essay logically, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and clearly linking your points together.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly stating what the essay will discuss. Similarly, a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points more effectively would be beneficial.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay shows your personal engagement with the topic, which is positive.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion