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In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#aomw #cultures #children #achive #message
There are many
sociaties
Correct your spelling
societies
 in the world,
children
 are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard accurately. Doing hard work, there are many advantages and disadvantages. I will describe my
expecibe
Correct your spelling
experience
 in more detail below. On the one hand, there are many advantages,
to begin
 with,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
motivation
 might change
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and encourage them gradually.
Thus
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This
show examples
help
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helps
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 to increase physical activities to get a successful life.
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 sports
person
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people
show examples
,
doctor
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doctors
show examples
, scientists and so on.
Secondly
, in our society,
such
 as Bangladesh is my country. There are many
children
,
whom
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who
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 are very
capabale
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capable
to do
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of doing
show examples
 hard work.
By contrast
, they have no
risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
show examples
 abilities. A good
motivation
speach
Correct your spelling
speech
 can grow up their risk abilities.
Finally
, a
failure
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failed
show examples
 person
thought
Wrong verb form
thinks
show examples
 they are
gurb
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grub
 for
nation
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the nation
show examples
. A supportive
motivation
 could remove
stressness
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stress
. So they
started
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started to
show examples
 try again and again and never
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 up. 
On the other hand
, there are many drawbacks,
To begin
 with, it is true that supportive
speach
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speech
boost
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boosts
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
capability but sometimes
created
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 a lot of
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
. By following
motivation
, they sacrifice
socail
Correct your spelling
social
 and personal activities.
For example
, sleep, meeting with friends, and so on.
As a result
, they will suffer from physical and mental
problem
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problems
show examples
.
Also
, pushing them
too
Change preposition
under too
show examples
 much pressure
that
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apply
show examples
create
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creates
show examples
 a lot of problems. Sometimes they would addicted
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 drugs
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 create social problems.In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good positive speech would encourage
children
 to get
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
,
such
 as Leo
Messk
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Messi
, Nyamer,
Pro
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and Pro
show examples
. Muhammad Younus, and so on. But sometimes it could
damange
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damage
 their life.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task and addresses the advantages and disadvantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are too general. More specific examples and explanations would improve your score.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical and spelling errors that affect readability. Pay attention to simple mistakes such as 'sociaties' (societies) and 'sacrifice socail' (sacrifice social).
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical flow in some places. Try to structure your essay logically, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea and clearly linking your points together.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly stating what the essay will discuss. Similarly, a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points more effectively would be beneficial.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay shows your personal engagement with the topic, which is positive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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