At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?
Contries
with a high number of young Correct your spelling
Countries
adults
compared to older people
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
necisseraly
mean Correct your spelling
necessarily
its
a disadvantage to the community. Young Correct your spelling
it's
adults
are known to be the people
of the future. Younger adults
are more capable and understanding than older people
in many ways which make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
this
and
advantage.
On one hand, young Correct your spelling
an
adults
are more likely to understand the modern world, social
media, and Correct word choice
and social
simply
more educated Add a missing verb
are simply
due to
the new educational systems. That does not mean that older people
aren't educated, they are simply just not used to these
stuff like social media. Correct determiner usage
this
However
, older people
are more experienced in life. Specially
Replace the word
Especially
that
there is a retirement age, older Correct word choice
since
people
wont
be able to work Add an apostrophe
won't
therefor
giving chances to those who are younger benefiting the country.
Correct your spelling
therefore
On the other hand
, when people
grow old they find difficulties doing sertain
stuff like using their phones, going on social media, or maybe just simply using the remote control. With the help of young Correct your spelling
certain
adults
now they're able to do such
stuff. Younger adults
can be healpfull
to them in so many ways. One huge example is the younger Correct your spelling
helpful
adults
volunteering in nursing homes.
In conclusion, I believe that it is an advantage ,that the number of younger people
is large, to the community, the country, and to
the elderly themselves. Change preposition
apply
For example
, giving the elderly a chance to retire and a chance for the younger adults
to find more job appurtunities
.Correct your spelling
opportunities
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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, with clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Even minor inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity of your response.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to back up your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant points about the advantages of having a younger population and their positive impact on the community.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?