IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Contries
Correct your spelling
Countries
 with a high number of young
adults
Use synonyms
 compared to older
people
Use synonyms
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
necisseraly
Correct your spelling
necessarily
 mean
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 a disadvantage to the community. Young
adults
Use synonyms
 are known to be the
people
Use synonyms
 of the future. Younger
adults
Use synonyms
 are more capable and understanding than older
people
Use synonyms
 in many ways which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
this
Linking Words
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 advantage. On one hand, young
adults
Use synonyms
 are more likely to understand the modern world,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 media, and
simply
Add a missing verb
are simply
show examples
 more educated
due to
Linking Words
 the new educational systems. That does not mean that older
people
Use synonyms
 aren't educated, they are simply just not used to
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 stuff like social media.
However
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 are more experienced in life.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
that
Correct word choice
since
show examples
 there is a retirement age, older
people
Use synonyms
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be able to work
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 giving chances to those who are younger benefiting the country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 grow old they find difficulties doing
sertain
Correct your spelling
certain
 stuff like using their phones, going on social media, or maybe just simply using the remote control. With the help of young
adults
Use synonyms
 now they're able to do
such
Linking Words
 stuff. Younger
adults
Use synonyms
 can be
healpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to them in so many ways. One huge example is the younger
adults
Use synonyms
 volunteering in nursing homes. In conclusion, I believe that it is an advantage ,that the number of younger
people
Use synonyms
 is large, to the community, the country, and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the elderly themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, giving the elderly a chance to retire and a chance for the younger
adults
Use synonyms
 to find more job
appurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, with clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Even minor inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity of your response.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to back up your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant points about the advantages of having a younger population and their positive impact on the community.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • age distribution
  • economic development
  • productivity
  • workforce
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • maternity and childcare
  • education sector
  • vocational training
  • social dynamism
  • dependency ratio
  • social support systems
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • cultural trends
  • generational conflicts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: