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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 for men and women in the six different regions for the given year.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can be seen that
Use synonyms
illiteracy
Correct article usage
the illiteracy
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of women was highest
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
 six places. South
Asia
Use synonyms
 shows
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high
rate
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 compared to other regions. In terms of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
largest
Add an article
the largest
show examples
 amount of
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 accounted in South
Asia
Use synonyms
 for approximately 50%,
while
Linking Words
 less amount was registered in Developed countries, which is accounted less than 1%. Arab States contribute
mire
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 than 50% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have
illiteracy
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. Male
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 percentage is higher in south
Use synonyms
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
show examples
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 33% ,
whereas
Linking Words
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 was recorded in developed countries(less than 1%). In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
east
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
Asia
as a
show examples
asia
Add a comma
asia,
show examples
 male
rate
Use synonyms
 was nearly 8%, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted
half
Change preposition
for half
show examples
 of the female
rate
Use synonyms
 in that region. 30% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 in sub-saharan
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 accounted
58
Change preposition
for 58
show examples
%, which shows 20% vary
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 men and women.
Submitted by jivenica1998 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words illiteracy, rate, asia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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