Some people believe that can sports man earn more money than a good business man. Do you agree or disagree . Give specific idea with specific examples.

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Before talking about things worth trying it’s necessary to say, that taking up new experiences boosts your brain. It’s admitted with several researches, because
in
Correct your spelling
it

The word in doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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turned out that our neural connections are being built during crucial changes in our life. What’s
more
Add a comma
more,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase What’s more. Consider adding a comma.

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I am convinced that sustainable changes in our lives force our potential to grow as mature personalities. Returning to our main topic I would like to experience jumping with
parachute
Correct article usage
a parachute

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, but it feels like I’m not ready for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, because lots of bad circumstances are coming up in
by
Correct your spelling
my

The word by doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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mind every time I wonder about the jump. The next one I’d like to renew is attendance
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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guitar classes. I remember when
I’ve
Wrong verb form
I’d

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb ’ve. Consider changing it.

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spent almost 4 years at music lessons and could play complicated classical Spanish ballades or etudes. It would be wonderful if I
take
Wrong verb form
took

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb take. Consider changing it.

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classes again and more seriously at
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

time.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I remember how I was
excited
Rephrase
so excited

There may be an adverb issue here.

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of
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Japanese
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

philosophy, that I decided to start learning
Japanese
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and even enter
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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University, where I could study
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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region as a professional. I wonder if my life
turns
Wrong verb form
will turn

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb turns. Consider changing it.

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towards
Japanese
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

culture again and I will start diving into characters and funny grammar of the language.
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task response
Your essay touches on various interesting points, but it needs a stronger introduction and conclusion. Make your main argument clearer from the start and summarize your points more effectively at the end.
task response
Your ideas are generally well-expressed, but they sometimes lack sufficient detail. Ensure that each point you make is supported by specific examples or further explanation.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows relatively well, more attention could be paid to smooth transitions between paragraphs. This will help to maintain a logical structure and enhance overall readability.
coherence and cohesion
Consider dividing your essay into clear paragraphs each focusing on a single idea. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily and understand the distinct points you are making.
task response
You have introduced some intriguing ideas and personal experiences, which makes the essay engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Your language use is sound and demonstrates a good command of English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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