IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people like to go to a live sporting event, while others prefer to stay at home and watch it on television. Which do you prefer? Discuss both views using personal examples.

According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
, attending a live sporting event in a stadium is more memorable.
However
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, others hold a contradictory viewpoint, believing that watching the
game
Use synonyms
 on television at home is more enjoyable and comfortable. Both claims are traditionally aligned, but my favouritism is mostly bound with the first perception. There are infallible social impulses to prove that watching a sports
game
Use synonyms
 on the ground may promote a sense of being part of the
game
Use synonyms
, tension and thrill. There is no doubt that that's a more memorable occasion in life.
On the other hand
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, most
people
Use synonyms
 have the highest aptitude for watching sports on the media with their loved ones at home. Throughout my essay, I will venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis by elaborating on my perception. At the same time, just as crucially, the subject is subject to the standard of formal assessment for the basic requirement of logical rigour and conceptual precision. Contemporary liberal society has placed a high premium on participating in the stadium and watching a
game
Use synonyms
. It is not a heresy to assume that
people
Use synonyms
 are able to see sportsmen's dedication, teamwork and ultimate perseverance to win the
game
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.
Also
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,
people
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 can feel the tension of sports events, the sportsmen's aggression, and their feelings.
Therefore
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, spectators may conspicuously perpetuate positive
socialization
Use the right word
socialisation
show examples
, social inclusiveness and social cohesion.
However
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, any individual is only able to watch a
game
Use synonyms
 with the cameraman's eye
while
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 they are staying at home. The Media has a huge amount of restrictions, following rules, and they need to be concerned about gaining commercial value
while
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 telecasting these events.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas and make sure each point is fully developed with clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Provide a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic clearly, which is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary shows an attempt at complexity, which is good.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • atmosphere
  • adrenaline
  • shared experience
  • convenience
  • camera angles
  • replays
  • emotional connection
  • unforgettable
  • commentary
  • expert analysis
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