The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six - art related subjects at a UK university in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of male and female students studying six - art related subjects at a UK university in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students who studied six subjects related to art in the United Kingdom’s university during 2011.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen from the diagram
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

dominated in all subjects except art and design. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
favourite subjects chosen by both the
gendres
Correct your spelling
genders
genres

If you don’t want gendres to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

English language and literature and the least selected by the
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were philosophy history and
archeology
Change the spelling
archaeology

The spelling of archeology is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
by
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. It is conspicuous that 250 of the
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

studied English language and literature and
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were slightly less
about
Change preposition
than

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
225.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the linguistics subject was studied by
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

240 as compared to
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

those were 180 in the same year.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the communication and media study was 225 by ladies and 205 by gents. Probing ahead, boys
were
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb were appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
50
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
selected philosophy and girls 150, females took more interest in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

subject. The second lowest subject was history and archaeology, it was 90 by
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and 120 by girls.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were the highest who studied art and design 175 and females only 160 in the same year.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • gender distribution
  • imbalance
  • participation
  • trend
  • highlight
  • significant
  • relatively balanced
  • disparity
  • societal factors
  • career opportunities
  • art-related subjects
  • analyze
  • compare and contrast
  • determine
  • discuss
  • cultural influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: