Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

#medicine #acupuncture #remedies #countries #practise #health

In some parts of the world, traditional

medicine

practioners

Correct your spelling

practitioners

claimed to have better

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in curing illness than modern

medicine

such

as doctors, leading to high popularity. I personally disagree with

this

statement and I will elaborate more in

this

essay.

Firstly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional healers do not have any scientific

based

Verb problem

apply

show examples

evidence

in improving

Change preposition

to improve

show examples

health. As they usually practice based on experiences only, their

medicine

is not trustworthy and credible.

Thus

, it leads to worse cases that may happen to their patients.

For example

, in Indonesia, many people prefer to go to traditional healers

for reducing

Change preposition

to reduce

show examples

pain when they have injured their ankles. The healers

then

usually give them some massages on the injured areas and prescripted natural treatments. They may temporarily feel better in their ankle,

however

, by doing only some massages, they do not know there is a potential serious

damaged

Replace the word

damage

show examples

in the internal area of the body.

Secondly

, there is no official standard

Change preposition

for

show examples

using traditional remedies. In order to prescript some herbal treatments, many traditional practitioners do not have

biological based

Add a hyphen

biological-based

show examples

sources. If something bad

happened

Wrong verb form

happens

show examples

to their patients' health conditions, they usually

asked

Wrong verb form

ask

show examples

them to go to

hospital

Add an article

the hospital

a hospital

show examples

because they do not have any

further

treatment.

For instance

, in Sulawesi, a traditional healer asks old people to drink snake's blood

for maintaining

Change preposition

to maintain

show examples

health,

whereas

based on scientific research, the blood contains much bacteria. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, some elderlies have disease complications

due to

this

suggestion. In conclusion, it seems that the lack of scientific evidence is a substantial drawback

for

Change preposition

show examples

having traditional

medicine

therefore

, visiting doctors

appear

Correct subject-verb agreement

appears

show examples

to be a

preferrable

Correct your spelling

preferable

show examples

practice when we are sick.

Submitted by chocolate10 on Sun Sep 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Strengthen your argument by addressing potential counter-arguments. This can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide a more balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to that idea. This will improve coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Review the essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage to enhance clarity and coherence. Small grammatical errors can sometimes distract the reader.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples to support your argument, which strengthens your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development ?
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in population attraction towards metropolitan places which results in a decrease of people in rural areas. In my view, it is a negative step taken by society. This stance will be proven by carefully analysing why it is not beneficial for the nation.
7
band
Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of celebrations. While some people believe that spending a lot of money on holding many celebrations like wedding parties, birthday parties and any other special events are waste of money, I would argue that parties are most important for any person and society. I will explain my reasons in this essay.
6.5
band
Nowadays, many employers think that social skills are as important as good qualifications for employing people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some workers find that social skills like communication, speech and emotional care are factors influencing their career prospects, equal to a good qualification. I would partly agree that social skills are also important for employment like a good qualification.
<4
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?
Today, more and more adults decided to work independently rather than being hired by a coorporation. This essay will firstly suggest that people's increased desire for freedom could be the main reason to this phenomenon. Despite the mass high interest for self-employement, it actually has its own down side such as negatively influanced someone's psychological well being.
4.5
band
In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
one of the grate issues of these days is finding appropriate job which the public should emigrate and leave their hometowns and family and friends.

Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development ?

Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many employers think that social skills are as important as good qualifications for employing people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?