Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

#medicine #acupuncture #remedies #countries #practise #health

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In some parts of the world, traditional

medicine

practioners

Correct your spelling

practitioners

claimed to have better

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in curing illness than modern

medicine

such

as doctors, leading to high popularity. I personally disagree with

this

statement and I will elaborate more in

this

essay.

Firstly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional healers do not have any scientific

based

Verb problem

apply

show examples

evidence

in improving

Change preposition

to improve

show examples

health. As they usually practice based on experiences only, their

medicine

is not trustworthy and credible.

Thus

, it leads to worse cases that may happen to their patients.

For example

, in Indonesia, many people prefer to go to traditional healers

for reducing

Change preposition

to reduce

show examples

pain when they have injured their ankles. The healers

then

usually give them some massages on the injured areas and prescripted natural treatments. They may temporarily feel better in their ankle,

however

, by doing only some massages, they do not know there is a potential serious

damaged

Replace the word

damage

show examples

in the internal area of the body.

Secondly

, there is no official standard

Change preposition

for

show examples

using traditional remedies. In order to prescript some herbal treatments, many traditional practitioners do not have

biological based

Add a hyphen

biological-based

show examples

sources. If something bad

happened

Wrong verb form

happens

show examples

to their patients' health conditions, they usually

asked

Wrong verb form

ask

show examples

them to go to

hospital

Add an article

the hospital

a hospital

show examples

because they do not have any

further

treatment.

For instance

, in Sulawesi, a traditional healer asks old people to drink snake's blood

for maintaining

Change preposition

to maintain

show examples

health,

whereas

based on scientific research, the blood contains much bacteria. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, some elderlies have disease complications

due to

this

suggestion. In conclusion, it seems that the lack of scientific evidence is a substantial drawback

for

Change preposition

show examples

having traditional

medicine

therefore

, visiting doctors

appear

Correct subject-verb agreement

appears

show examples

to be a

preferrable

Correct your spelling

preferable

show examples

practice when we are sick.

Submitted by chocolate10 on Sun Sep 08 2024

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task achievement

Strengthen your argument by addressing potential counter-arguments. This can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide a more balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to that idea. This will improve coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Review the essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage to enhance clarity and coherence. Small grammatical errors can sometimes distract the reader.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples to support your argument, which strengthens your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practise traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with.

With internet improvement people can & opinions on certain goods or service that they purchased. Is this good or bad thing?.

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why do people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?