Some believe parents and teachers should supervise children very closely, while others think children should have freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an argument about whether
children
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should be under close supervision or have
freedom
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. Some
parents
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and educators believe that
children
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should be closely monitored and controlled. I agree with others who argue that kids should have
freedom
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. On the one hand, some say supervision of kids is necessary to ensure that
children
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are safe, well-being and disciplined .
This
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could include monitoring their activities, setting boundaries, and rules and providing guidance to help
children
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make responsible decisions.
Furthermore
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,
this
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approach may
also
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help to instil values and shape the character.
For example
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, when
children
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want to make their
friends
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if
parents
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help them by expressing their experiences, do’s and don’ts and give notice ,they likely prevent the negative effects of bad
friends
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, keeping
children
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mentally and socially safe.
This
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is because psychologists say that
friends
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may significantly influence behaviour and morals,
besides
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children
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probably look to
friends
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as role models.
Therefore
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,
parents
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should keep an eye on their
children
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's
friends
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.
On the other hand
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, there is almost no doubt that
freedom
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within the family and school is an important issue that affects all aspects of an individual's personal and social
children
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's life. People have different views on
freedom
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based on their upbringing, surroundings, and education .Within the family and school,
freedom
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plays a crucial role in the growth and development of individuals and helps them develop the confidence and ability to express their ideas and beliefs effectively.
For example
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, being allowed to make decisions and take risks in a supportive environment can help
children
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develop a sense of competence and independence.
Additionally
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, having the
freedom
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to explore their own interests and develop their talents can
also
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boost their self-esteem and self-confidence. In short, allowing
children
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to have
freedom
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in their surroundings can contribute to building their self-confidence and promoting personal growth. In conclusion,
although
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some people believe that supervision of
children
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is necessary by schools and
parents
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, in my opinion, the
freedom
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to express themselves and act is more important for
children
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. Having
this
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freedom
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can lead to positive outcomes
such
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as increased self-confidence, personal development, and independence in
children
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.

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully to better support your main points. This can involve including more specific examples and elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next to enhance the overall coherence.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. A little more attention to detail can polish your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both views and give your own opinion clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples to illustrate your points.
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