Some believe parents and teachers should supervise children very closely, while others think children should have freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is an argument about whether
children
should be under close supervision or have freedom
. Some parents
and educators believe that children
should be closely monitored and controlled. I agree with others who argue that kids should have freedom
.
On the one hand, some say supervision of kids is necessary to ensure that children
are safe, well-being and disciplined .This
could include monitoring their activities, setting boundaries, and rules and providing guidance to help children
make responsible decisions. Furthermore
, this
approach may also
help to instil values and shape the character. For example
, when children
want to make their friends
if parents
help them by expressing their experiences, do’s and don’ts and give notice ,they likely prevent the negative effects of bad friends
, keeping children
mentally and socially safe. This
is because psychologists say that friends
may significantly influence behaviour and morals, besides
children
probably look to friends
as role models. Therefore
, parents
should keep an eye on their children
's friends
.
On the other hand
, there is almost no doubt that freedom
within the family and school is an important issue that affects all aspects of an individual's personal and social children
's life. People have different views on freedom
based on their upbringing, surroundings, and education .Within the family and school, freedom
plays a crucial role in the growth and development of individuals and helps them develop the confidence and ability to express their ideas and beliefs effectively. For example
, being allowed to make decisions and take risks in a supportive environment can help children
develop a sense of competence and independence. Additionally
, having the freedom
to explore their own interests and develop their talents can also
boost their self-esteem and self-confidence. In short, allowing children
to have freedom
in their surroundings can contribute to building their self-confidence and promoting personal growth.
In conclusion, although
some people believe that supervision of children
is necessary by schools and parents
, in my opinion, the freedom
to express themselves and act is more important for children
. Having this
freedom
can lead to positive outcomes such
as increased self-confidence, personal development, and independence in children
.Submitted by ghorabibita on
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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully to better support your main points. This can involve including more specific examples and elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next to enhance the overall coherence.
general
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. A little more attention to detail can polish your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both views and give your own opinion clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples to illustrate your points.