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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people nowadays change career more frequently than ever before while others stick to a single job. What are the advantages and disadvantages of changing career?

#people #change #career #job
Changing
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 become more often in
this
 modern world nowadays. People tend to switch their careers rather than stay in one job for a long time. There are some possible advantages and
dissadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 that
this
 essay will elaborate more
below
Change preposition
on below
show examples
. Regarding the benefits, switching
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 more
frequent
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frequently
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 leads to
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
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 professional
career
path
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paths
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. As people
change
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 frequently, they will have many job experiences that could be written on their curriculum vitae.
Thus
, when they apply to
another
Replace the adjective
another company
other companies
show examples
companies
, the
recruiters
 will claim them as professionals.
For example
, in Jakarta, some
staffs
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staff
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 in Shopee company who already worked there for two years
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to apply
another
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to another
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 start-up company, Tokopedia, and
then
 they
have been
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were
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 accepted there for being event coordinators
due to
 their previous experiences.
Whereas
, if they stay in
previous
Add an article
a previous
the previous
show examples
 company, they need four years to be a division coordinator. It can be said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
career
change
 profoundly their
career
path
 faster. Moving to the drawbacks, people who switch
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 regularly tend to be claimed as a disloyal type of worker by
recruiters
. Many
recruiters
 affirm that workers with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gradual
change
 of
career
path
 do not have loyalty to
such
companies
, leading to be called
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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faithless
professional
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professionals
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.
Furthermore
, workers will have difficulty
to move
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moving
show examples
 a different
job
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jobs
show examples
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
.
For instance
, in Indonesia, some private
companies
 usually do not accept any ex-start-up workers
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 their fame of quick changing in careers.
As a result
, the employees are likely to move to other similar start-up
companies
. In conclusion, the positive side of
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 frequently may lead to
fast
Add an article
a fast
the fast
show examples
career
path
,
while
 the disloyalty professed by
recruiters
 could be a substantial drawback that should be considered.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear structure, with each paragraph logically flowing to the next. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas with more depth. This involves not just mentioning an idea, but explaining it thoroughly and considering different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. This will ensure that your ideas are conveyed more effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of changing careers, providing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the careers at Shopee and Tokopedia, helps to illustrate the points made in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career transition
  • job satisfaction
  • income potential
  • network expansion
  • skill set diversification
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • job security
  • retraining cost
  • career progression
  • high-demand field
  • employment instability
  • professional development
  • industry experience
  • job market
  • employer perception
  • career ladder
  • commitment
  • reliability
What to do next:
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