Write about the following topic: Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
I support that long-term job seekers should be made to do voluntary work to give back to
the
society. In our Correct article usage
apply
communty
today a lot of youths are jobless which Correct your spelling
community
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
lead
to high drug intake. So Wrong verb form
led
government
creating voluntary schemes for jobs like social work, community cleaning and sensitization with stipends will be an advantage for the Correct article usage
the government
communty
.
Correct your spelling
community
Firstly
,I commend the ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
Tetiary
Correct your spelling
Tertiary
education
for creating a Capitalize word
Education
1 year
national youth service scheme by attaching new graduates to various institutions for training, Add a hyphen
1-year
this
improved their knowledge.
Additionally
,during the last
cencus
the government empowered a high number of youths as data collectors to enhance the collection of Correct your spelling
century
datas
across the Correct your spelling
data
dates
country
, Jobs like this
helps
in building the nation.
I Correct subject-verb agreement
help
also
recommend empowering adults of age
40 and above Change preposition
aged
for cleaning
Change preposition
to clean
of
the Change preposition
apply
communtiy
weekly to avoid disasters during the Correct your spelling
community
raining
season like we Replace the word
rainy
expierence
flooding,Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
Correct word choice
and mudslide
mudslide
in the previous years in some areas.
Another method of empowering the elderly Fix the agreement mistake
mudslides
ones
is by farming in the provinces during peak seasons for various crops Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as rice,beans,cassava etc. Our country
have
a very large Change the verb form
has
amout
of fertile land which will be of high Correct your spelling
amount
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
for
every citizen.
I Change preposition
to
belive
creating various opportunities as explained above will be a boost to the community and we will see our Correct your spelling
believe
country
as a leading country
in africa
with vast opportunities for every individual to attain maximum Change the capitalization
Africa
goal
. In that Fix the agreement mistake
goals
light
Add a comma
light,
i
recommend the government to look into Change the capitalization
I
consinderation
of the above empowerment schemes.Correct your spelling
consideration
Submitted by adeyanjuroke123 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position that supports long-term job seekers doing voluntary work. However, it would benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion to frame the argument better.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear, but there are some inconsistencies in the use of terms and minor grammatical errors that may affect the clarity. Proofreading can help catch these errors.
task achievement
While the essay has relevant points and examples, some examples could be elaborated further to strengthen the argument. Try to provide more specifics to enhance the supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The essay's overall structure is logical, but transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother to improve flow. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
It's important to have a clear introduction that outlines the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the argument. This would give more cohesion to the essay and improve its readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and provides clear support for that idea. This will make the essay more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant issue and provides a personal stance, which is crucial for task response.
task achievement
The examples given, such as the national youth service scheme and government data collection efforts, are relevant and practical.
task achievement
The essay includes some insightful points about the benefits of engaging job seekers in voluntary work, which adds depth to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.