Some people think that physical activity should be a compulsory part of every school day. Others believe that children should spend more time learning academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, diverse kinds of activities which should be taken during school hours are one of the controversial topics amongst parents. Some opine that attending
sport
classes during the educational years is a "must' for Change the noun form
sports
students
, although
others are of the belief that most of these days ought to be allocated to instructing academic courses. I agree with the first group's perspective and both notions will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
In some people's opinion, dedicating hours to physical activities is a wasting
time action and does not bear any virtues for children. They believe that there are more pivotal subjects Fix the agreement mistake
waste of
such
as mathematics, physics and science which should be taught more precisely to students
; learning such
topics and achieving notable marks are more essential for applying in prestigious universities. Accordingly
, devoting days to do
workouts in the school will not assist Unnecessary verb
apply
students
In this
procedure and such
vital times should be directed to academic lessons.
Some others and I, however
, are of the point of view that doing some exercises not only bears physical advantages,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
is a contributing factor in more accurate learning. As a main reason, if students
do not spend some time in
doing workouts, they will suffer from numerous physical issues in their future lives; backache, obesity and other painful issues can be pointed out as Change preposition
apply
a
future results of lacking Correct article usage
apply
such
activities in childhood. On the other hand
, doing some sports will play an important role in children's mental health; such
action will be efficient in pupils' creativity as it can be a
opportunity to free their Change the article
an
mind
and prepare Fix the agreement mistake
minds
it
for learning more properly, the matter which prevents subsequent mentality problems from not acquiring lessons conveniently.
In conclusion, there are two opinions : Correct pronoun usage
them
first,
school days have to be devoted to more fundamental academic lessons; second,
doing workouts should be compulsive in these years, the idea which I agree with. Taking such
action will positively affect students
' health.Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic and presents your own opinion clearly, which fulfills the task requirements. However, there are a few areas where more specific examples and details could enhance your arguments, particularly in explaining how physical activity affects creativity and learning.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more clearly and concisely. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified for better understanding. Break down complex ideas into simpler parts to ensure clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some of your ideas could be connected more logically. For instance, the discussion about physical advantages and mental health benefits could be more cohesively linked.
coherence and cohesion
You have a logical structure, but make sure your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly related. Your introduction sets up the discussion, but the conclusion could be a bit more robust in summarizing the key points and reiterating your stance.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. For instance, when mentioning physical issues like backache and obesity, you could reference studies or real-life examples to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints on the topic and clearly states your own opinion, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion summarizing your stance.
task achievement
You touched on important points such as the physical and mental health benefits of physical activity, as well as the importance of academic achievements, which are relevant to the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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