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Band 5

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggestion least one possible solution.

#world #population #countries #nations #overpopulation #suggestion
Huge overpopulation is said to be the
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 that concerns the
world
 we live in.
not
Capitalize word
Not
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 only the poor areas of the
world
 are expected to suffer the consequences but
also
 the countries which are developed or moving toward development. These consequences vary in forms but there are
also
 some steps which can be taken to fade the negative effects of it. The first impact of enormous population growth would be
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of land. As the
number
 of
people
 grows, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be a need for more
of
Change preposition
apply
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land where they can reside.
This
 will later lead
into
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to
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 turning natural habitats into residential areas and deforestation.
Therefore
 the outcome would be nothing but
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in the
number
 of endangered species. It will
also
 be followed by the lack of nutrition so the
world
 would be very likely to suffer a great famine. Having discussed the problems as
this
 matter is taking place
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
scales
Fix the agreement mistake
scale
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
 actions must
also
 be planned globally. The first thing is for governors of all countries to shake hands on immigration policies to maintain the balance between the
number
 of
people
 and the sources of their lands. Another important step for
people
 in charge would be
put
Fix the infinitive
to put
show examples
 effort
in
Change preposition
into
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 informing
people
 and setting fertility limits to slow down the rapid growth.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 as the radical
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in the
number
 of
people
 living in the
world
 affects the whole
world
 in many different ways close attention must be paid by the
Correct your spelling
governments
government
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
to overcome
this
 crisis and individuals’ efforts seem not to be really practical
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your arguments are clear, but the ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the potential consequences of deforestation and famine can be elaborated with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more varied linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You identified some major problems related to overpopulation, such as lack of land and nutrition, and suggested global coordination and fertility limits as solutions. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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