IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggestion least one possible solution.

#world #population #countries #nations #overpopulation #suggestion
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Huge overpopulation is said to be the
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 that concerns the
world
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 we live in.
not
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Not
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 only the poor areas of the
world
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 are expected to suffer the consequences but
also
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 the countries which are developed or moving toward development. These consequences vary in forms but there are
also
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 some steps which can be taken to fade the negative effects of it. The first impact of enormous population growth would be
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of land. As the
number
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 of
people
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 grows, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be a need for more
of
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apply
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land where they can reside.
This
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 will later lead
into
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to
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 turning natural habitats into residential areas and deforestation.
Therefore
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 the outcome would be nothing but
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of endangered species. It will
also
Linking Words
 be followed by the lack of nutrition so the
world
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 would be very likely to suffer a great famine. Having discussed the problems as
this
Linking Words
 matter is taking place
in
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on
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large
Correct article usage
a large
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scales
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scale
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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further
Linking Words
 actions must
also
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 be planned globally. The first thing is for governors of all countries to shake hands on immigration policies to maintain the balance between the
number
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 of
people
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 and the sources of their lands. Another important step for
people
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 in charge would be
put
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to put
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 effort
in
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into
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 informing
people
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 and setting fertility limits to slow down the rapid growth.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 as the radical
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rise
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raise
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rise
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 in the
number
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 of
people
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 living in the
world
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 affects the whole
world
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 in many different ways close attention must be paid by the
Correct your spelling
governments
government
govenments
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governments
to overcome
this
Linking Words
 crisis and individuals’ efforts seem not to be really practical
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task achievement
Your arguments are clear, but the ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the potential consequences of deforestation and famine can be elaborated with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more varied linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You identified some major problems related to overpopulation, such as lack of land and nutrition, and suggested global coordination and fertility limits as solutions. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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