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Band 5

Q.) Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#q #people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
There is an argument that
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 boys and
girls
 in one
school
 is more beneficial,
whereas
 others argue that it is better to separate them in different schools. I personally think it will be easier to educate
students
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same sex in the
school
,
however
,
this
 essay will elaborate more on both sides.
Students
 who join a mixed
school
 tend to have more
various
Replace the word
varied
show examples
 friends with numerous ideas. As the
students
 come from opposite genders, they are likely to have dissimilar points of view. It will lead them to learn more about respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 others' boundaries.
For example
, in Semarang, when it comes to exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, boys scholars willingly help
girls
 to set up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tools
such
 as net sports,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they understand that the
girls
 are not as strong as them to pick up those tools.
Therefore
,
girls
 will
also
 respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the boys for helping them, leading to
create
Replace the word
the creation
show examples
such
 a respectful environment and positive energy for the educators.
Conversely
, scholars who attend schools
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same sex tend to have the same understanding. As the
students
 always meet the same genders
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, they will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
understandable
Replace the word
understanding
show examples
 to each other and they are likely to get along easier.
Furthermore
, since the
teachers
 are the same gender
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 them, it should have
effortless
Add an article
an effortless
show examples
 learning process.
For instance
, in Jakarta, female
students
 are more expressive and active in exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
due to
 there are no male
students
 who look at them
while
 doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical sports which makes them quite shy.
As a result
, the study process is contented and it is easier for the
teachers
. In conclusion,
while
 the benefits of attending the
mixed gender
Add a hyphen
mixed-gender
show examples
school
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
students
 to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 humble environment, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 scholars should have separated
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 for each gender
due to
 it creates
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effortless learning process for the
teachers
, as long as there are adequate education facilities for both
students
 and
teachers
.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument before sharing your opinion. This will help the reader understand the structure of your essay from the beginning.
supported main points
Provide a little more elaboration on the examples given to clearly tie them back to the main points. This would help in making your arguments more compelling.
logical structure
Try to vary sentence structures to make the essay flow more smoothly. This can be achieved by combining simple and complex sentences while ensuring each point is clear and concise.
complete response
The essay captures both viewpoints well and provides a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
The examples given are relevant to the points being discussed, making the arguments more relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay has a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas, making it easier to follow.

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