IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Q.) Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an argument that
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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 boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 in one
school
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial,
whereas
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 others argue that it is better to separate them in different schools. I personally think it will be easier to educate
students
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
of
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 the same sex in the
school
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,
however
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,
this
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 essay will elaborate more on both sides.
Students
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 who join a mixed
school
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 tend to have more
various
Replace the word
varied
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 friends with numerous ideas. As the
students
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 come from opposite genders, they are likely to have dissimilar points of view. It will lead them to learn more about respect
to
Change preposition
for
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 others' boundaries.
For example
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, in Semarang, when it comes to exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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, boys scholars willingly help
girls
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 to set up
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tools
such
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 as net sports,
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due to
Change preposition
because
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 they understand that the
girls
Use synonyms
 are not as strong as them to pick up those tools.
Therefore
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,
girls
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 will
also
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 respect
to
Change preposition
apply
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the boys for helping them, leading to
create
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the creation
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such
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 a respectful environment and positive energy for the educators.
Conversely
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, scholars who attend schools
with
Change preposition
of
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 the same sex tend to have the same understanding. As the
students
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 always meet the same genders
everyday
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every day
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, they will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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understandable
Replace the word
understanding
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 to each other and they are likely to get along easier.
Furthermore
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, since the
teachers
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 are the same gender
to
Change preposition
as
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 them, it should have
effortless
Add an article
an effortless
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 learning process.
For instance
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, in Jakarta, female
students
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 are more expressive and active in exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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due to
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 there are no male
students
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 who look at them
while
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 doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical sports which makes them quite shy.
As a result
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, the study process is contented and it is easier for the
teachers
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the benefits of attending the
mixed gender
Add a hyphen
mixed-gender
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school
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allows
Change the verb form
allow
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students
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 to have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 humble environment, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
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 scholars should have separated
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 for each gender
due to
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 it creates
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effortless learning process for the
teachers
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, as long as there are adequate education facilities for both
students
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 and
teachers
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument before sharing your opinion. This will help the reader understand the structure of your essay from the beginning.
supported main points
Provide a little more elaboration on the examples given to clearly tie them back to the main points. This would help in making your arguments more compelling.
logical structure
Try to vary sentence structures to make the essay flow more smoothly. This can be achieved by combining simple and complex sentences while ensuring each point is clear and concise.
complete response
The essay captures both viewpoints well and provides a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
The examples given are relevant to the points being discussed, making the arguments more relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay has a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas, making it easier to follow.
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