Q.) Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an argument that
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
boys and
girls
in one
school
is more beneficial,
whereas
others argue that it is better to separate them in different schools. I personally think it will be easier to educate
students
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
the same sex in the
school
,
however
,
this
essay will elaborate more on both sides.
Students
who join a mixed
school
tend to have more
various
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varied
show examples
friends with numerous ideas. As the
students
come from opposite genders, they are likely to have dissimilar points of view. It will lead them to learn more about respect
to
Change preposition
for
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others' boundaries.
For example
, in Semarang, when it comes to exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, boys scholars willingly help
girls
to set up
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tools
such
as net sports,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
they understand that the
girls
are not as strong as them to pick up those tools.
Therefore
,
girls
will
also
respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the boys for helping them, leading to
create
Replace the word
the creation
show examples
such
a respectful environment and positive energy for the educators.
Conversely
, scholars who attend schools
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
the same sex tend to have the same understanding. As the
students
always meet the same genders
everyday
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every day
show examples
, they will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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understandable
Replace the word
understanding
show examples
to each other and they are likely to get along easier.
Furthermore
, since the
teachers
are the same gender
to
Change preposition
as
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them, it should have
effortless
Add an article
an effortless
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learning process.
For instance
, in Jakarta, female
students
are more expressive and active in exercise
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
due to
there are no male
students
who look at them
while
doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical sports which makes them quite shy.
As a result
, the study process is contented and it is easier for the
teachers
. In conclusion,
while
the benefits of attending the
mixed gender
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mixed-gender
show examples
school
allows
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allow
show examples
students
to have
the
Correct article usage
a
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humble environment, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
scholars should have separated
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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for each gender
due to
it creates
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
effortless learning process for the
teachers
, as long as there are adequate education facilities for both
students
and
teachers
.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument before sharing your opinion. This will help the reader understand the structure of your essay from the beginning.
supported main points
Provide a little more elaboration on the examples given to clearly tie them back to the main points. This would help in making your arguments more compelling.
logical structure
Try to vary sentence structures to make the essay flow more smoothly. This can be achieved by combining simple and complex sentences while ensuring each point is clear and concise.
complete response
The essay captures both viewpoints well and provides a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
The examples given are relevant to the points being discussed, making the arguments more relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay has a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas, making it easier to follow.
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