More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole?
In recent years,
people
are
more often Verb problem
have
work
harder and overtime, and Wrong verb form
worked
sacrifies
their quality Correct your spelling
sacrificed
time
to their families and friends. In this
essay, I will examine the root cause of the problems and the negative effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
to
their family Change preposition
on
life
and societies.
There are basically two key factors why people
are
choose to have Unnecessary verb
apply
a hustle jobs
and tend to have frugal living in their societies. One major issue is the rise of their daily personal and family necessities. As Correct the article-noun agreement
a hustle job
hustle jobs
people
getting
older and Wrong verb form
get
being
responsible in their Wrong verb form
are
family
to earn money, they will Fix the agreement mistake
families
trying
to accumulate the basic requirements that they need to be met, so one job generally is not enough to cover their needs. Change the verb form
try
be trying
Furthermore
, people
who have a desire to improve their quality of life
are tend
more diligent to earn a pence. In fact, it is a great idea for the younger generation to gain their Change the verb form
tend
work
experience, allowing them to explore diverse area
and increase their professional networking. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
This
will help securing
their elderly Wrong verb form
secure
life
to be more resilient.
Nevertheless
, work
overtime mainly Verb problem
apply
affecting
workers Wrong verb form
affects
have
limited Correct pronoun usage
who have
time
to
their family and friends. Since they tend to spend their Change preposition
for
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
to
Change the verb form
working
work
, they forgot
to maintain their relationships with their relatives, particularly their Wrong verb form
forget
life-partner
. Correct your spelling
life partner
Consequently
, it will lead to misunderstanding and lack
of compassion in their relationships, as they barely have a meaningful conversation. Correct article usage
a lack
Contrastly
, it would not happened if Rephrase
In contrast
people
starting
their hustle Wrong verb form
started
life
earlier. By maintaining their stable financial
at an Replace the word
finances
ealy
age, they can spend more Correct your spelling
early
time
to
their partner in the future and empower their financial independence goals.
In conclusion, it is Change preposition
with
noticable
that Correct your spelling
noticeable
people
are forced to work
harder to earn more allowance and pay off their debt. To avoid the negative effects which will influence their family and societies, it is a good decision for them to start their hustle life
at
Change preposition
as
adolescent
, Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
therefore
they have better
quality of Add an article
a better
life
and well-being in the future.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt sufficiently and provides an overall complete response. However, ensure that you provide more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments more robust.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Although your essay flows well, there are instances where ideas could be connected more seamlessly. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the coherence.
language
Work on improving your language accuracy. Small grammatical and vocabulary errors can be distracting and affect your overall score.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and well-structured. You’ve effectively introduced the topic and summarized your main points.
complete response
Your essay addresses the issues of long working hours and their impact on family and society thoroughly, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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