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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try to hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.Giving
this
 message to them can produce several effects on each child.
In
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From
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 social point of view, telling the children is very important because we are motivating the child not to give up.we are making him try
to
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too
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 hard, to make an effort, to read between
lines
Correct article usage
the lines
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 and
at the end
 of that long path achieve their objectives.Telling that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, we are saying
in other words
 that things are not so simple or easy but they are not
imposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
,is all about working hard and doing our best. Sometimes
this
 is not
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 because we
not
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do not
did not
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 always achieve our dreams or goals but it does not mean we did not try hard, there are other factors playing a role in our path.
In
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From
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 economic point of view, if our objectives demand a lot of money, we are again in the same situation,
although
 we work hard, it would be difficult to achieve it.
To sum up
,we are teaching
to
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apply
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children how life works, it demands hard work, effort, dedication, time doing things we don't like, studying and attitude.And
at
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in
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 the end,if you have done all these things but you still did not achieve your goal, you will be happy anyway because you did your best.
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task achievement
Ensure more specific examples are given to strengthen your argument. For instance, provide particular scenarios where children might face difficulties even after hard work.
coherence cohesion
Refine the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using connecting phrases or words can help in enhancing flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure to improve readability and engagement. Avoid repetition of phrases and aim for more complex sentence patterns.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and sets the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully wraps up the main idea and offers a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the given message, showing a clear understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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