In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates roblems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In many nations, individuals are now living for a longer time than in the past. Some
people
claim that
this
trend causes some problems for
governments
, but other
people
have different ideas about
this
issue. In general, I think the existence of older
people
has more disadvantages than advantages.
To begin
with, the benefits of living longer for older
people
are related to families and some parts of government.
In other words
, the existence of elder
people
is important for many families because it is a kind of respect and heritage of a family and demonstrates the original root of a family.
Besides
, in some organizations, these
people
can monitor the young
people
’s performance. They
also
help them how to manage different challenges but in most cases
this
way is exceptional. But, in total, the ageing population have many side effects and those reasons are not logical to accept
this
idea. Regarding
this
, there are many problems that should be mentioned to support the disagreement.
Firstly
,
governments
should pay retirement salaries for them to meet their requirements for their lives because they cannot work
as well as
before and they do not have enough efficiency in work.
Secondly
, the insurance companies should support them and
governments
must cover
this
topic.
Following
this
, many healthcare places should prioritize these
people
rather than young
people
.
Moreover
, preserving old
people
brings trouble for family. So, they must hire a nurse to care for them and it has cost as well. All of these bring costs for
governments
.
To sum up
,
although
in many countries,
people
are living longer than before, it is an important issue for
people
. Some
people
think that an ageing population cause many problems for
governments
,
whereas
other individuals disagree with
this
idea.
Thus
, if we compare these two aspects of the topic, we find
out
Change preposition
that
show examples
the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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task response
To improve clarity and ensure comprehensive idea development, consider elaborating further on each point made. Provide specific examples and expand on your arguments to make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments systematically.
task response
Try to delve deeper into the topic to present a more balanced view. Consider acknowledging the counter-arguments more explicitly and show how the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in a more nuanced way.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, with clear paragraphing throughout, which aids readability.
task response
The main points are clearly identified and supported to a reasonable extent. The essay expresses a clear stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • pensions
  • healthcare systems
  • volunteer workforce
  • economic growth
  • taxes
  • experience and wisdom
  • guidance and mentorship
  • age-related diseases
  • healthcare resources
  • family structures
  • accessible infrastructure
  • consumer market
  • economic stimulation
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