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Band 3

As a results of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. what problems does this have on the environment? what measures could be taken to solve the problem?

#results #tourism #people #demand #flights #environment #measures
Nowadays we are living in the era of speed,
likewise
 the
renaissance
Capitalize word
Renaissance
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 period.
That is
 why the
demand
 increased for more flights which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consequently
,
dose
Correct your spelling
does
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a
Remove the article
apply
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damage
for
Change preposition
apply
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the environment. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I shall elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 negative side of
this
demand
 ,
as well as
 I shall give a solution for
this
 problem.
To begin
with
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with,
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 the conception of exploit flights , as it
consider
Change the verb form
considers
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 a most comfortable option for travelling
nevertheless
,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
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 has a
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawback
drawbacks
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
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.
firstly
, on the environment via the pollution from the burning the fuel,
secondly
, the need
of
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for
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 large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of petrol
hence
 it's a costly matter.
Moreover
, the
demand
 for oil refining operations eventually
raises
Correct your spelling
rises
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.
Consequently
, it
hasing
Correct your spelling
has
 a reverse influence on the ecosystem. The encouragement of travelling by shipping or train is a good idea for decreasing the request for air travel.
Thereupon
, focusing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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local tourism inside the country aids in
change
Wrong verb form
changing
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 the direction
from
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism abroad.
For example
:
building
Add an article
the building
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 of convenient places for the citizen to spend the holiday there. To sum it up. Travelling via
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
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 is a crucial issue and a very comfortable option, but the heavy
demand
on
Change preposition
for
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 it will be a negative effect on the environment.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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this
demand
 is an imperative notion by pathing
another ways
Replace the adjective
another way
other ways
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 to get
a
Remove the article
apply
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less damage on the ecosystem.
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on

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task achievement
In your introduction, make sure to provide a clear statement addressing both parts of the question: the problems and the possible solutions. Your current introduction is a bit vague and could benefit from more detail.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your main points with more specific and detailed examples. For instance, mention concrete steps other countries have taken or specific environmental impacts from fuel combustion.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay is organized, but it could benefit from clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. Clearly state what each paragraph is about at the beginning and ensure each one logically follows the other.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more frequently to connect your ideas and make the essay flow more smoothly. This includes words like 'moreover', 'therefore', 'consequently', and so on.
task achievement
Provide more solutions and explain them in more detail. Address the feasibility and potential impacts of these solutions to demonstrate a clear understanding of the issue and its remedies.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at covering both the negative impacts of air travel and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reiterating the negative impacts of air travel and the need for alternative methods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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