The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period

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A glance at the given chart depicts the

number

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of individuals who took part in a wide range of activities at one social

center

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centre

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in Melbourne from 2000 to 2020.

Overall

Linking Words

, attending

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apply

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film clubs was the most popular action compared to other activities. It is obvious that the lowest rate of highlighted people

have

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has

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a tendency to participate in amateur dramatics in 2020.

In addition

Linking Words

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number

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a number

the number

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of table tennis players dramatically

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

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increased during

this

Linking Words

time.

Use synonyms

Number

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A number

The number

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of people who attended

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apply

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flim

Correct your spelling

film

clubs experienced fluctuations and reached a peak of 65

participents

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participants

per year. Prior to 2005, nobody would

rathar

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rather

watch musical performances.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a mere 5 attendees in amateur dramatics existed in 2020.

Although

Linking Words

all actions witnessed growth or even

stablity

Correct your spelling

stability

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number

Change the article

a number

the number

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of attendees in the mentioned actions, amateur dramatic follows a downward trend. Both

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apply

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film club and material arts follow similar trends and

mentioned

Correct article usage

the mentioned

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statistics remain stable during

this

Linking Words

period.

Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on Sun Sep 08 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

156 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participants
social centre
comparison
trends
consistently popular
gained popularity
lost popularity
community interest
availability of facilities
social factors
economic factors
external events
economic downturns
health crises
demographic changes
aging population
marketing
community outreach programs
participation rates
Melbourne

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

Describe a tourist attraction that very few people visit but you think is interesting. What/Where the place is? What people can see there? Why only very few people visit there? And explain why you think it is interesting?

some people say that advertising is extremely successfull at persuading us to buy things. other peoplr think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it discuss both views and give your opinion

International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool.Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people whoplay them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?