IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #taxpayers’ #money #healthcare #areas #points
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In the contemporary epoch, individuals think the whole income achieved from tax should be spent in the
healthsector
Correct your spelling
health sector
. Opponents of
thisstandpoint
Correct your spelling
this standpoint
 believe the mentioned money must be utilized in other parts of
one
Use synonyms
country
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. Both views are discussed as follows. On the
one
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 hand,
people
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 who believe the majority of revenue must be dedicated to a
health
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 issue deem
health
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 as the most crucial problem.
In addition
Linking Words
, in these
people
Use synonyms
‘s opinion,
health
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 is inextricably intertwined with other aspects of
onecountry
Correct your spelling
one country
.
Hence
Linking Words
, without having a healthy society, progressing in economics, sports, quality of goods production and being industrialized are impossible. In their viewpoints, it is noticeable that equipping hospitals and funding impoverished
people
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 to access appropriate treatments to alleviate their pain are among the apparent duties of politicians and, generally, everybody who is responsible for managing the
country
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's funds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, numerous
people
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 emphasize the importance of the other parts of
onesociety
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one society
society
. They argue that
although
Linking Words
healthplays
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health plays
 a significant role in
one
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country
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, education, sports, preserving the environment, and conserving traditional customs and ceremonies are somehow as vital as
health
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. They think not only is
prepering
Correct your spelling
prepping
health
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 facilities a government's duty, but they must
also
Linking Words
 provide a circumstance that all children are able to study or play their favourite sports. They ascertain the significance of a healthy mind, and the
health
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 of a mind without paying attention to all aspects of life is not practical.
Thus
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, managers can not afford all the budget to care for
health
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, in my view, despite dividing the budget fairly to all sectors of
one
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country
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has
Wrong verb form
having
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 a lot of difficulties, it can guarantee the prosperity and even comprehensive
healthof
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health of
 all
people
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 who reside in
this
Linking Words
 highlighted
country
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.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each section is clearly divided with appropriate spacing and paragraphing to improve readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to substantiate the arguments, making the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Use connectors and transition words more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, which frames the essay well.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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