Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In the contemporary epoch, individuals think the whole income achieved from tax should be spent in the
healthsector
Correct your spelling
health sector
. Opponents of
thisstandpoint
Correct your spelling
this standpoint
believe the mentioned money must be utilized in other parts of
one
country
. Both views are discussed as follows. On the
one
hand,
people
who believe the majority of revenue must be dedicated to a
health
issue deem
health
as the most crucial problem.
In addition
, in these
people
‘s opinion,
health
is inextricably intertwined with other aspects of
onecountry
Correct your spelling
one country
.
Hence
, without having a healthy society, progressing in economics, sports, quality of goods production and being industrialized are impossible. In their viewpoints, it is noticeable that equipping hospitals and funding impoverished
people
to access appropriate treatments to alleviate their pain are among the apparent duties of politicians and, generally, everybody who is responsible for managing the
country
's funds.
On the other hand
, numerous
people
emphasize the importance of the other parts of
onesociety
Correct your spelling
one society
society
. They argue that
although
healthplays
Correct your spelling
health plays
a significant role in
one
country
, education, sports, preserving the environment, and conserving traditional customs and ceremonies are somehow as vital as
health
. They think not only is
prepering
Correct your spelling
prepping
health
facilities a government's duty, but they must
also
provide a circumstance that all children are able to study or play their favourite sports. They ascertain the significance of a healthy mind, and the
health
of a mind without paying attention to all aspects of life is not practical.
Thus
, managers can not afford all the budget to care for
health
.
Overall
, in my view, despite dividing the budget fairly to all sectors of
one
country
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a lot of difficulties, it can guarantee the prosperity and even comprehensive
healthof
Correct your spelling
health of
all
people
who reside in
this
highlighted
country
.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Use connectors and transition words more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, which frames the essay well.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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