In some countries the average of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In certain countries with a rapid increase in population, the level of physical well-being and fitness has been declining making it an issue of concern . The busy schedule and reluctant behaviour towards adopting a healthy lifestyle is the root cause of
this
ongoing issue, preventive measures are required to neutralize
this
trend. These issues need to be addressed by the government in order to propose more healthy lifestyle choices across the globe.
To begin
with, a large number of
people
are
over occupied
Add a hyphen
over-occupied
show examples
with their everyday routine leaving them next to very little or no time to prioritise their
body
's
health
and
nonetheless
, follow a fitness routine.These habits have very harmful ramifications resulting in
people
being sick at regular intervals and often complaining about lack of energy to perform simple tasks. The trend has become common across the globe increasing the burden on the country's
health
system and resulting in a lack of facilities available for genuine and time-sensitive problems.
Moreover
,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
derogatory behaviour of
people
towards themselves in context with maintaining their
body
and a healthy lifestyle is a core reason making everybody suffer.
People
are well aware of the drawbacks but still choose to punish themselves by making wrong choices. Not only do individuals suffer from
this
problem, but their families suffer from the financial and mental constrain of spending time in the hospitals. Our society needs to emphasize more on working out and exercising to keep the
body
fit and healthy.
However
, certain measures are suggested to counter the escalation of
this
pandemic,
people
should be advised
by using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
media as a means of communication about the underlying importance of having a disease-free
body
.
Also
, the government should impose high taxes on unhealthy food , limiting the number of consumers to readily available junk food and more
people
sticking back to home-cooked healthy foods. Admission to community government-operated gyms should be made free to attract the public and enforce habits that can help them follow a routine for long-term benefit. In summation,
this
is an undeniable fact that the levels of decreasing
health
and fitness among the population
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
become a predicament of grave concern that needs immediate addressing.
This
habit of
neglectin
Correct your spelling
neglecting
neglected
and remaining busy in your work to ignore
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
body
's well-being has proven to be fatal for humans. A healthy mind is capable of many things and can
channelise
Verb problem
channel
show examples
its energy into a plethora of things. We as a society can only progress if our
people
are free from diseases and are fit,
otherwise
, we only need to prioritise the
health
sector in order to provide treatment facilities.
Submitted by pranav.dhawan28 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only strengthen your points but also demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of connecting phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.
language accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical and punctuation errors. Correcting these can improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the question and provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a solid structure.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and provides a detailed explanation of the causes and possible solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are presented in a logical order, and each paragraph focuses on a single main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: