Some children spend most of their free time taking part in clubs and other planned activities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's world, so many
classes
are available for children
and kids
in order to spend time and learn something. The most important and crucial part of these activities is their content and what is tought
in Correct your spelling
taught
thought
these kind
of clubs .So they may have some benefits, but can still damage Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
children
in some ways. In this
essay , I will consider both views and give my opinion.
Children
love to play, and they learn so many new lessons by playing games especially those that are involved with interaction with other kids
. when
parents decide to take their loved ones to attend Capitalize word
When
in
several Change preposition
apply
classes
in order to fill their free time , children
will get tired soon and their energy reduces .Consequently
,kids
miss the opportunity to play and learn alongside
being entertained.Change preposition
while
Moreover
, when they become adults, they may feel something is missing in their soul and that is
the lack from their childhood. No matter how succesful
they get Correct your spelling
successful
then
, that feeling will not go away easily. As we can see these days in our surrounding ones who have many regrets about their past and they just want their children
to do
not end up like them.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, young people gain knowledge and experience by taking part in some classes
. For instance
, there are some special classes
for children
which help them find their talent and passion. So, parents will help their children
better in their future life and approaching
their dreams . Wrong verb form
approach
Therefore
, kids
will be prepared for their future and will be less confuse
about their will. Change the form of the verb
confused
For example
, they will not have to chose
different things and carriers to see which one they are good at as they already have found it.
Change the verb
choose
To sum up
, pre-planned activities and classes
can damage the childhood of kids
if they are too much and exhausting .And if not so, those clubs would be very useful for them and their future.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to improve the overall coherence of your essay. For example, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop and clearly explain each of your points. Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task achievement
You addressed both views as required by the task and provided your opinion, which shows a complete response to the prompt.