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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend most of their free time taking part in clubs and other planned activities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's world, so many
classes
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 are available for
children
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 and
kids
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 in order to spend time and learn something. The most important and crucial part of these activities is their content and what is
tought
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taught
thought
 in
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of clubs .So they may have some benefits, but can still damage
children
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 in some ways. In
this
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 essay , I will consider both views and give my opinion.
Children
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 love to play, and they learn so many new lessons by playing games especially those that are involved with interaction with other
kids
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.
when
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When
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 parents decide to take their loved ones to attend
in
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apply
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several
classes
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 in order to fill their free time ,
children
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 will get tired soon and their energy reduces .
Consequently
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,
kids
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 miss the opportunity to play and learn
alongside
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while
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 being entertained.
Moreover
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, when they become adults, they may feel something is missing in their soul and
that is
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 the lack from their childhood. No matter how
succesful
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successful
 they get
then
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, that feeling will not go away easily. As we can see these days in our surrounding ones who have many regrets about their past and they just want their
children
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 to
do
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apply
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not end up like them.
On the other hand
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, young people gain knowledge and experience by taking part in some
classes
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.
For instance
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 , there are some special
classes
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 for
children
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 which help them find their talent and passion. So, parents will help their
children
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 better in their future life and
approaching
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approach
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 their dreams .
Therefore
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,
kids
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 will be prepared for their future and will be less
confuse
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confused
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 about their will.
For example
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, they will not have to
chose
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choose
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 different things and carriers to see which one they are good at as they already have found it.
To sum up
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, pre-planned activities and
classes
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 can damage the childhood of
kids
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 if they are too much and exhausting .And if not so, those clubs would be very useful for them and their future.

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to improve the overall coherence of your essay. For example, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop and clearly explain each of your points. Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay.
task achievement
You addressed both views as required by the task and provided your opinion, which shows a complete response to the prompt.
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