Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Sport
stars can often make more Change the noun form
Sports
money
than other well-seeing professions. Some people
believe that is
fair. However
, there are some who disagree. This
essay aims to discuss both views and to provide my opinion.
There are many reasons why sports professionals can make fair
amount of Add an article
a fair
money
. The top three are their commitment to trainings
, sponsorships, and visibility. Change the wording
training
pieces of training
Firstly
and foremost, athletes have an absurd level of discipline. To illustrate, an athlete who wants to have high performance needs to dedicate every day. Another major influence is the number of sponsorships; most of the successful athletes obtain money
from ads using their image to influence the public. Lastly
, they demonstrate massive discipline, which can motivate them to work harder to achieve their goals.
In
the other hand, there are a few reasons Change preposition
On
of
why some Change preposition
apply
people
believe that is
not fair. To pinpoint, lack of education, polemics, and ostentation. I am from Brazil, and because I came from a country with a lot of poverty, many youngsters aim to be soccer players. There are not many people
who have access to education, and they find in the sport their chance to change their lives. Most of the sports professionals in Brazil came
from a poor family. Which helps to spread prejudices around their achievement. To illustrate, Neymar makes a huge amount of Wrong verb form
come
money
per month, some people
believe that he does not deserve that because he did not complete his studies, spends a lot of money
on clothes and parties, and is always involved in some polemics.
To sum up
, sport
stars gain Change the noun form
sports
money
because of their hard work. There are many people
trying to become stars, but only a few of them can achieve the top. And those who get to the top is
because of their discipline, motivation, and training. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Consequently
, they are able to find sponsors and make money
using their image. There are a lot of prejudices in the world, such
as not validating the effort from
these athletes because of their background and comparing it with Change preposition
of
people
who went to university. However
, I truly believe that everyone deserves to be recognized for their efforts.Submitted by nathmoura on
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coherence cohesion
The paragraph transitions and logical structure of your essay can be improved. Try to link your ideas more smoothly. For instance, when moving from one point to another, ensure the flow is natural and connected.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, which is good. However, try to provide more clear and comprehensive ideas to deepen your argument. For instance, elaborate on why the public adores certain athletes despite their controversial behavior.
coherence cohesion
It's important to use precise and varied vocabulary in your essays. Try to avoid repetition and use a wider range of expressions. Also, make sure to proofread your work to avoid minor grammatical mistakes like 'in the other hand' which should be 'on the other hand.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what will be discussed, which sets a good tone for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly by referencing Neymar and providing a context that explains your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear final opinion, which ties the essay together well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.