How is the primary education school appearance in your country?

Education is important for us
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because without education we cannot know how to read and write. I started my education from kindergarten for a year,
then
I continued to elementary
school
for six years in my hometown in Merauke, South Papua province. The elementary
school
period was a beautiful and enjoyable thing in my opinion, because when in elementary
school
there were still many children who liked to cry because they could not be left by their parents.
However
, not all children who cry are
also
in elementary
school
, because if previously we have entered kindergarten, usually we already have a good mentality, are not afraid,
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
not ashamed to play with friends.
And sometimes
Correct word choice
Sometimes
show examples
we
also
usually get our friends who were previously in kindergarten who continue elementary
school
at one
school
. When in elementary
school
, most of us still often bring supplies from home prepared by our parents, be it just a piece of bread or rice and side dishes as supplies that we bring. When in elementary
school
, I went to a Catholic
school
that was very disciplined and had very strict rules
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
must be obeyed by all students who attended the
school
. My
school
is called Bambu Pemali Elementary
School
, which is located
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Jalan Raya Mandala Merauke, South Papua Province. In my elementary
school
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school,
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there were still some buildings left over from the war, but they still stood strong and were
well maintained
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well-maintained
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. In the Catholic elementary
school
Add a comma
school,
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there was
also
always a church building that was
always
Rephrase
apply
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used for worship activities. My elementary
school
had a fairly large yard and was fenced around for security. There were
also
lots of mango trees in the
school yard
Correct your spelling
schoolyard
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, including an introduction and conclusion, will enhance readability and organization. Try to start with an introduction that outlines the topic and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Using more transition words and phrases can help your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next, improving the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples from your personal experience, be sure to clearly connect these examples back to the main point of your essay. This will improve the task achievement by making your points even clearer.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples from your experience, which supports your main points well and adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas about your primary education experience, showing good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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