some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of computer games.

Computer
games
have become an entertainment activity for all ages, including
children
. (kurang bridging). The effects depend
onto
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on
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the type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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games
and how
children
respon
Correct your spelling
respond
to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will outline the advantages and disadvantages of
computer
game effects
onto
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on
show examples
children
. It is often observed that by playing
computer
games
, some of
children
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children's
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skills can be improved. First of all, the
games
will encourage
children
to solve the problems. It makes
children
enhance not only their
problem solving
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problem-solving
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skill
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skills
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,
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, but
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buteven
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but even
also
their
critical thinking
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critical-thinking
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the problems
on
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with
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computer
games
are quite challenging and so competitive. The
children
tend
s
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apply
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to
be work
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work
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harder, so they can win it.
For example
, to win over their rival
on
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in
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shooting
games
, they need to think about the strategies which they
learn
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learned
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from the previous game they had lost.
On the other hand
, one of the primary causes of
computer
games
is
children
could become addicted to it. They can spend
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
of their time
in
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apply
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playing
games
, especially when they still
could
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apply
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not
get
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apply
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satisfied. It
also
may happen if they get fulfilled by the
games
, so they will crave
for
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apply
show examples
more. Because
of
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apply
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computer
games
identical
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are identical
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with
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to
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online
platform
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platforms
show examples
, it will become worse if their online friends bring
the
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apply
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negative impacts.
For instance
, their friend will shout out bad words when facing any challenge will increase their adrenaline.
This
thing will become a habit which they will not use only in
games
, but
also
in their
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
friendship. In conclusion, despite the existence of some advantages, I believe those drawbacks are far greater.
However
, I believe
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
and critical thinking
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
for
children
can be improved
from
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other ways.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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task achievement
You need to refine the introduction to provide more background information and a clearer thesis statement. Make sure to connect all parts effectively to enhance the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structures. Improving your grammar can significantly enhance the clarity of your arguments. Use complex sentences where appropriate for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a structured framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have brought up relevant and specific examples to support your claims, which is a great way to bolster your arguments.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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