In some counties the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays there are several countries to face the problem of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
that
is growing rapidly day by day and the level of their good physical condition and strength is getting down. Correct pronoun usage
which
For
my Change preposition
From
prospective
, I believe that the main causes the people become lazy and ingest fast Correct your spelling
perspective
food
. Government
Add an article
The government
required
to maintain Add a missing verb
is required
tarcking
Correct your spelling
tracking
park
and healthy Fix the agreement mistake
parks
food
.
According to
ky
knowledge recently a lot of humans gain their weight Correct your spelling
my
due to
some reasons like they didn't attend any physical activity. For instance
, sports,gym and regular exercise are play
a vital role in our Change the verb form
play
life
but currently Fix the agreement mistake
lives
specially
younger use their technology like mobile phones and Replace the word
especially
did
not participate Wrong verb form
do
any
outdoor activities. Change preposition
in any
Furthermore
, we can see every fast food
restaurant their
as a huge crowd and eat unhealthy Correct your spelling
there
food
and they eat more then
the requirements. So that Replace the word
than
food
will convert them in
overweight.
Change preposition
to
Moreover
, firstly
it's is our own responsibility how to retain your self smart and sharp. But I think for adminstration
is required to maintain Correct your spelling
administration
walking
track everywhere and make Correct article usage
a walking
a
open gym in a specific place Change the article
an
that
willing person do their practice Correct word choice
where
everyday
without Replace the word
every day
hisitation
. Correct your spelling
hesitation
Government
required to reduce their gym Add an article
The government
addmission
fees Correct your spelling
admission
that
everyone can Correct word choice
so that
easy
Change the word
easily
take
Verb problem
gain
a
admission and continue their physical fitness. I strongly suggest that the Remove the article
apply
food
community is responsible for to provide
Change the verb form
providing
a
healthy and fresh Correct article usage
apply
food
for their people. Also
required to increase their tax for those who sell their food
which creates a problem in
Change preposition
for
human
like Fix the agreement mistake
humans
overweight
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that human beings become lazy Add a missing verb
being overweight
due to
their mobile, laptop
and other technologies they Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
didn't
go for physical exercise and lie down Wrong verb form
don't
yourself
in bed and enjoy Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
mobile from morning to night. Change the word
their
Also
Add a comma
Also,
State
Correct your spelling
the states
have
some responsibilities that Change the verb form
has
provide
fresh Wrong verb form
providing
food
make a jogging track
parks and gyms.Fix the agreement mistake
tracks
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coherence
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Use transition words to connect sections more smoothly.
task response
Enhance task response by providing more detailed and directly relevant examples, perhaps citing specific trends or studies on obesity and fitness.
coherence
Revise the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the essay's main points and summarize the arguments made, making these sections more concise and impactful.
clarity
Focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. This will help in conveying clear and comprehensive ideas. Pay attention to punctuation and correct usage of articles and prepositions.
task response
The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and presents the main causes and solutions for obesity and declining fitness levels.
coherence
There is a good attempt to address the role of government and individual responsibility in the conclusion, tying back to the introduction's points.
relevance
The essay includes specific examples, such as the negative impact of mobile phones and fast food consumption, which are relevant to the topic.
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