IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #population #zealand #age #group #formation #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table presents the data about the
population
Use synonyms
 of different ages in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest change between these years was in the
people
Use synonyms
 of the oldest
age
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a slight decrease in the ages below teen and there was a minor increase in
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages. To commence with, the
people
Use synonyms
 below fifteen had a slight decrease of 0.2 per cent and the
people
Use synonyms
 group 15-39
also
Linking Words
 had the same change in percentage of 0.2 per cent. The
age
Use synonyms
 group of 15-39 had the highest
population
Use synonyms
 as compared to other
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In 2012 there were around 1.6 million
people
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group living in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there were around 1.3 million
people
Use synonyms
 from
age
Use synonyms
 40-64
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
living in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
. The
overall
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 of New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 was nearly 4.5 million in 2012. The
people
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 65 plus were small in numbers. These
people
Use synonyms
 had the lowest ratio of
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mifzalrizwan2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, zealand, people, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • population growth
  • age group
  • increase
  • decline
  • elderly population
  • aging population
  • working-age population
  • stable labor force
  • modest increase
  • significant change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: