Some people think that governments should care more about the elderly while others think they should focus on investing in education for younger people. Discus both views and give your opinion.
The most pressing problem in most
part
of the world now is the population gap between elder and young Fix the agreement mistake
parts
people
, Use synonyms
such
as in Japan. Linking Words
Due to
Linking Words
this
, there are split Linking Words
concensus
going on for the Correct your spelling
consensus
government
which Use synonyms
are
whether to invest Correct subject-verb agreement
is
on
increasing the elderly Change preposition
in
care
or Use synonyms
quality
of Correct article usage
the quality
Use synonyms
education
system for the younger Correct article usage
the education
one
.
In the case of Japan, the overpopulation of Correct pronoun usage
ones
elderly
happened because Correct article usage
the elderly
of
the desire of a couple to produce Change preposition
apply
a
heir is Change the article
an
decreased
day by day, Wrong verb form
decreasing
also
supported by the lowest number of Linking Words
marriage
recorded in the country. Because of Fix the agreement mistake
marriages
this
, the Linking Words
government
focused more on uplifting the quality of elderly Use synonyms
care
by building facilities and offering Use synonyms
variety
of services in support Add an article
a variety
for
the welfare of aging society. Change preposition
of
This
Linking Words
also
happens as the Linking Words
government
tries to Use synonyms
less
the burden for the children, especially those who are in their working age, so they can work effectively without fully worrying about their parents back at home.
Considering that situation, the support to the younger Replace the word
lessen
people
must be maintained as well. If we're talking about the economic situation of a country, Use synonyms
then
we will talk about how companies or merchants work to circulate money every day. Linking Words
This
means that Linking Words
the
working age Correct article usage
apply
people
must have plenty of Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
received
to flourish in Verb problem
apply
the
society. Higher Correct article usage
apply
education
Use synonyms
in
the university level must be upgraded to a certain level, as it Change preposition
at
also
Linking Words
effect
the country's development situation on a bigger scale. Luckily in Japan, most of their universities hold respectable positions in the Verb problem
affects
world ranking
universities, meaning that Add a hyphen
world-ranking
the
Correct article usage
apply
government
support is just as equal as it is to elderly Use synonyms
care
.
Based on Use synonyms
this
, I believe that Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
should take a Correct article usage
the government
balance
step Replace the word
balanced
on
taking Change preposition
in
care
Use synonyms
for
its aging society and the younger Change preposition
of
people
. Of course, in Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
education
, there should be a pressing matter to Use synonyms
be hold
as it is specialized for nurturing the Change the verb form
be held
mind
of the younger generation to be tomorrow's Fix the agreement mistake
minds
leader
. Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
Education
in ethics Use synonyms
also
should be increased as well, so probably there will be a time Linking Words
where
Correct word choice
when
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
plan to take Use synonyms
care
of their elderly as a regard for taking Use synonyms
care
of their Use synonyms
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task achievement
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Check for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to improve the overall readability of your essay. This will enhance both task achievement and coherence/cohesion.
task achievement
You’ve made a good attempt at discussing both views, and that's commendable. You’ve also provided your opinion and justification, which is key to a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and ties the essay together.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.