IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on age, and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your opinion and include relevant examples.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days we have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
people
peole
Correct your spelling
people
age
Correct pronoun usage
whose age
show examples
 of 65 and going up but
this
Linking Words
 is our point for
Correct your spelling
today
show examples
to day
Correct your spelling
today
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
because
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
i
Capitalize word
I
show examples
Body paragraph 1
love to discuss with you about it and let us take about the old
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 age of 65, in my
opinine
Correct your spelling
opinion
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a good thing to have old
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 working in these days
Use synonyms
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 better than the new
Use synonyms
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
Use synonyms
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they have the
exprence
Correct your spelling
experience
 about there
work
Use synonyms
 and they got there
knowledage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about life, to
survie
Correct your spelling
survive
 the
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 that they need help or have some problem in there bank
acount
Correct your spelling
account
 or
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 card is frozen only if they want to
retuire
Correct your spelling
require
retire
 there job
this
Linking Words
 is there
choies
Correct your spelling
choices
choice
 to leave there
work
Use synonyms
behinde
Correct your spelling
behind
 and lite the new
Use synonyms
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
work
Use synonyms
 and to have the
exprinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
 with
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
frist
Correct your spelling
First
 of all,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the old
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so kind
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the new
Use synonyms
genration becacuse
Correct your spelling
generation because
 they have the
knowledage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. to
explane
Correct your spelling
explain
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so good and are so respectful
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the person
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
 but we can fix the issue
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
 we
mus
Correct your spelling
must
show examples
 not let them to retiur when they want to
retiure
Correct your spelling
retire
return
,
for example
Linking Words
 some
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
work
Use synonyms
 hard for
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 children to pay there school or there taxs.
Conclusion
Although
Linking Words
 the age of 65 is certainly very
comman
Correct your spelling
common
perphas
Correct your spelling
perhaps
 the above-mentioned ideas could help solve at least reduce the problem
Use synonyms
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 the old
Use synonyms
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 can help the new
Use synonyms
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 about there and we need each other
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 we
acn
Correct your spelling
can
 do many things like
opean
Correct your spelling
open
 new
occubation
Correct your spelling
occupation
 or the new
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
 to
however
Linking Words
, that the old
Use synonyms
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 are friendly and so
resptful
Correct your spelling
respectful
 for there
coustermers
Correct your spelling
customers
 if they come for
threre
Correct your spelling
their
work
Use synonyms
, in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
addiotion
Correct your spelling
addition
 that the new
Use synonyms
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 always learn from the old
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Be sure to fully answer all parts of the prompt. Discuss both views systematically and then express your opinion clearly.
Task Achievement
Include specific, relevant examples to support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction provides a clear overview of both sides of the argument and your conclusion summarizes your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs for each main point. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports your argument.
Task Achievement
You have expressed a clear opinion on the topic, which is good.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • age discrimination
  • work-life balance
  • economic stability
  • pension plans
  • life expectancy
  • older workforce
  • job market dynamics
  • intergenerational workplace
  • financial pressure
  • mentorship
  • productivity
  • new technologies
  • physical or mental decline
  • personal freedom
What to do next:
Look at other essays: