IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Children are the future generations of our society
therefore
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 it is of paramount importance that their upbringing should be the first priority.
Due to
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 that many parents are of the opinion that daycare centre is the perfect choice for their kid's preschool
while
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 working parents think that family members are the best for the job. Both of these views are elaborated on in
further
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 paragraphs with my view in the conclusion. Enrolling the young generation in the childcare institution has several advantages. The predominant gain is that it is equipped with all the tools and atmosphere that
kids
Use synonyms
 need to learn new things.
For example
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, nowadays these types of early-age schools have smartboards, projectors and many other cutting-edge technologies which help students to learn rapidly
as well as
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 they can
also
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 learn how to interact with others of their age and participations in many competitions.
On the contrary
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, there are
also
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 many benefits of raising children by families. Because newly borns have spend most time with their family members they feel comfortable when they are around and adults know what the
kids
Use synonyms
 want and when is a major gain.
Such
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 as a kid will be always happy when a member of the family is around to take care of them.
Besides
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 that, they can
also
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 help
kids
Use synonyms
 to better shape their future with their experience.
To conclude
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 and provide my opinion on the matter of whether the newly born should join a preschool or a family member should be a caregiver, in my perspective, the daycare centres are a good option, as when
kids
Use synonyms
 grow up they will be anyway studying in the same environment, so why not start it at an early age and get used to it to make the most out of it.

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Task Achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic, but ensure each paragraph directly relates and ties back to the discussion of which is the best service or situation for children. Linking every point to the central topic can enhance task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, but work on making transitions between contrasting views even smoother to enhance the flow of the text.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively outlines the issue and previews both viewpoints, which helps guide the reader through the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion clearly states your opinion, rounding off the essay well.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples and reasoning for both sides of the argument, supporting your discussion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • professional care
  • developmental stages
  • cognitive development
  • physical development
  • social development
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • community belonging
  • personalized care
  • affectionate care
  • family bonds
  • emotional security
  • transmission
  • family values
  • traditions
  • pedagogical methods
  • child psychology
  • flexibility
  • educational development
  • social skills
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