Some people believe that international sporting events contribute to world peace. Others argue that they only provide a temporary distraction. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
argue that international sporting
events
contribute to world
peace
and
solidarity
,
while
others believe that they only temporarily distract
people
. I personally believe that international
events
really bring global
solidarity
and
peace
despite some temporary
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
. International sports
events
bring global
peace
and
solidarity
because they bring several
nations
together. When
numorous
Correct your spelling
numerous
nations
join in
an sporting
Correct the article-noun agreement
sporting events
a sporting event
show examples
events
, it
speards
Correct your spelling
spreads
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of
solidarity
and
peace
among
people
. The goals of these sporting
events
are to participate, encourage, share and celebrate. Take
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Games as an example. Approximately 60
nations
around the world participate in
this
event and promote
peace
and love.
Therefore
, I believe that international sporting
events
are necessary to encourage
solidarity
among
people
.
In contrast
, others believe that international sporting
events
cause some distractions among
nations
.
People
generally become so excited about the event, and cannot properly concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their work. They mostly occupy themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
events
and that might hamper their daily activities.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Expand on the opposing view to balance the discussion better. This will demonstrate your ability to present a more nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. This will help to give your essay a better sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to elaborate on the specific ways in which international sporting events contribute to global peace and solidarity.
task achievement
The essay is generally well-organized with clear main points.
task achievement
Your ideas are articulated clearly, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a relevant example (Olympic Games) to support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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