Politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many people believe that,details of what is happening in society.
politicians
private lives not Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
to
be published in the newspapers or on the Fix the infinitive
apply
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
However
,this
essay strongly disagrees with this
solution, because the public should know about politics and to ensure their fairness and their true selves.
To begin
with, the public has strong
interest Correct article usage
a strong
about
other’s lives .Meanwhile, they want to appreciate more information about public servants .Unfortunately ,more Change preposition
in
of
officeholders deceive the community. Change preposition
apply
Also
, the level of corruption is growing every day. For example
, in Kazakhstan ,more than 60 percent
of leaders joined Change the spelling
per cent
with
Change preposition
in
this
affair. Such
as,
bribes , eating people’s money ,and others. There are many legislators who spend all of the budget that the government gives . They will invest only 30% of cash for what was predicted . And the rest of Remove the comma
apply
money
they enjoy.
Correct article usage
the money
Furthermore
, some members of Congress try to hide themselves.And it is beneficial for them,
if their actions are not exposed in the media.Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, no one will know about what they are doing.In common, their true faces.For instance
, this
story was in 2023 .One of the ex minister
of Kazakhstan did Add a hyphen
ex-minister
murder
,generally Add an article
the murder
killed
her wife . If Wrong verb form
killing
this
crime hadn’t been posted on social media ,no one would know about this
case. In addition
, the government can check and control the works of statesman
and control how they work .
In conclusion, most of the particulars should to produced in newspapers and on social networks.It can help to understand every aspect, Fix the agreement mistake
statesmen
news
,Change preposition
of news
Correct word choice
and
Also
to manage their job .Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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introduction
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a bit more elaboration on why this issue is important. A brief background could set the context better.
main points
It would be helpful to develop each main point more thoroughly. This can involve providing more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, expand on how the public's right to know can ensure transparency.
logical structure
While your essay has a logical structure, some paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve cohesion. Using linking words or phrases can be helpful. For example, words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can make the flow of ideas smoother.
grammar
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors. This can enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
examples
You have used some relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your task response.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?