IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people believe that,details of
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
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 private lives not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be published in the newspapers or on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 solution, because the public should know about politics and to ensure their fairness and their true selves.
To begin
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 with, the public has
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 interest
about
Change preposition
in
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 other’s lives .Meanwhile, they want to appreciate more information about public servants .Unfortunately ,more
of
Change preposition
apply
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officeholders deceive the community.
Also
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, the level of corruption is growing every day.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan ,more than 60
percent
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per cent
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 of leaders joined
with
Change preposition
in
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this
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 affair.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 bribes , eating people’s money ,and others. There are many legislators who spend all of the budget that the government gives . They will invest only 30% of cash for what was predicted . And the rest of
money
Correct article usage
the money
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 they enjoy.
Furthermore
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, some members of Congress try to hide themselves.And it is beneficial for them
,
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apply
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 if their actions are not exposed in the media.
As a result
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 , no one will know about what they are doing.In common, their true faces.
For instance
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,
this
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 story was in 2023 .One of the
ex minister
Add a hyphen
ex-minister
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 of Kazakhstan did
murder
Add an article
the murder
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 ,generally
killed
Wrong verb form
killing
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 her wife . If
this
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 crime hadn’t been posted on social media ,no one would know about
this
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 case.
In addition
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, the government can check and control the works of
statesman
Fix the agreement mistake
statesmen
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 and control how they work . In conclusion, most of the particulars should to produced in newspapers and on social networks.It can help to understand every aspect,
news
Change preposition
of news
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,
Correct word choice
and
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what is happening in society.
Also
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 to manage their job .

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introduction
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a bit more elaboration on why this issue is important. A brief background could set the context better.
main points
It would be helpful to develop each main point more thoroughly. This can involve providing more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, expand on how the public's right to know can ensure transparency.
logical structure
While your essay has a logical structure, some paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve cohesion. Using linking words or phrases can be helpful. For example, words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can make the flow of ideas smoother.
grammar
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors. This can enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
examples
You have used some relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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