IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians’ #lives #newspapers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many people believe that,details of
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
show examples
 private lives not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be published in the newspapers or on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 solution, because the public should know about politics and to ensure their fairness and their true selves.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the public has
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 interest
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other’s lives .Meanwhile, they want to appreciate more information about public servants .Unfortunately ,more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
officeholders deceive the community.
Also
Linking Words
, the level of corruption is growing every day.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan ,more than 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of leaders joined
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 affair.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 bribes , eating people’s money ,and others. There are many legislators who spend all of the budget that the government gives . They will invest only 30% of cash for what was predicted . And the rest of
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 they enjoy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some members of Congress try to hide themselves.And it is beneficial for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if their actions are not exposed in the media.
As a result
Linking Words
 , no one will know about what they are doing.In common, their true faces.
For instance
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 story was in 2023 .One of the
ex minister
Add a hyphen
ex-minister
show examples
 of Kazakhstan did
murder
Add an article
the murder
show examples
 ,generally
killed
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
 her wife . If
this
Linking Words
 crime hadn’t been posted on social media ,no one would know about
this
Linking Words
 case.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government can check and control the works of
statesman
Fix the agreement mistake
statesmen
show examples
 and control how they work . In conclusion, most of the particulars should to produced in newspapers and on social networks.It can help to understand every aspect,
news
Change preposition
of news
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
what is happening in society.
Also
Linking Words
 to manage their job .
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a bit more elaboration on why this issue is important. A brief background could set the context better.
main points
It would be helpful to develop each main point more thoroughly. This can involve providing more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, expand on how the public's right to know can ensure transparency.
logical structure
While your essay has a logical structure, some paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve cohesion. Using linking words or phrases can be helpful. For example, words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can make the flow of ideas smoother.
grammar
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors. This can enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
examples
You have used some relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: