Politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians’ #lives #newspapers

Nowadays, many people believe that,details of

politicians

Change noun form

politicians'

politician's

show examples

private lives not

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

be published in the newspapers or on the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

However

this

essay strongly disagrees with

this

solution, because the public should know about politics and to ensure their fairness and their true selves.

To begin

with, the public has

strong

Correct article usage

a strong

show examples

interest

about

Change preposition

show examples

other’s lives .Meanwhile, they want to appreciate more information about public servants .Unfortunately ,more

Change preposition

apply

show examples

officeholders deceive the community.

Also

, the level of corruption is growing every day.

For example

, in Kazakhstan ,more than 60

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

of leaders joined

with

Change preposition

show examples

this

affair.

Such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

bribes , eating people’s money ,and others. There are many legislators who spend all of the budget that the government gives . They will invest only 30% of cash for what was predicted . And the rest of

money

Correct article usage

the money

show examples

they enjoy.

Furthermore

, some members of Congress try to hide themselves.And it is beneficial for them

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if their actions are not exposed in the media.

As a result

, no one will know about what they are doing.In common, their true faces.

For instance

this

story was in 2023 .One of the

ex minister

Add a hyphen

ex-minister

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of Kazakhstan did

murder

Add an article

the murder

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,generally

killed

Wrong verb form

killing

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her wife . If

this

crime hadn’t been posted on social media ,no one would know about

this

case.

In addition

, the government can check and control the works of

statesman

Fix the agreement mistake

statesmen

show examples

and control how they work . In conclusion, most of the particulars should to produced in newspapers and on social networks.It can help to understand every aspect,

news

Change preposition

of news

show examples

Correct word choice

and

show examples

what is happening in society.

Also

to manage their job .

Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on Mon Sep 09 2024

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introduction

Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a bit more elaboration on why this issue is important. A brief background could set the context better.

main points

It would be helpful to develop each main point more thoroughly. This can involve providing more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, expand on how the public's right to know can ensure transparency.

logical structure

While your essay has a logical structure, some paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

cohesion

Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve cohesion. Using linking words or phrases can be helpful. For example, words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can make the flow of ideas smoother.

grammar

Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors. This can enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.

conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.

examples

You have used some relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

intrusion
accountability
transparency
sensationalism
privacy
public interest
collateral damage
precedent
responsible journalism
exploitation
democratic processes
media culture
balance

What to do next:

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Politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that it is suggested to learn history. While some pople think it has a little knowledge in it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that company should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building the live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might this be the cause? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?