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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child's academic development, while others think that a child's teacher has more influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is no doubt that
parents
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 and
teachers
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 play a crucial role in the lives of
children
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. Some argue that
parents
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 put more effort into the academic success of their
children
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,
however
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, others believe that the
teachers
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 are more devoted to their
students
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' scores. I reckon that both are equally involved in it, but
teachers
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 are more influential. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both sides
along with
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 my viewpoint, with the relevant conclusion in the following paragraphs. Considering the
first
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 notion of how
parents
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 influence their child's academic development.
First
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 and foremost, guidance is the
first
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teacher
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 of every child. They learn basic things at home,
such
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 as the alphabet, numbers, and how to write letters
as well as
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 numerals. These types of steps make them confident, and their pace of learning is
also
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 affected. They catch things easily compared to others. Despite the aforementioned statement, there are some people who think
teachers
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 have more influence on pupils.
Firstly
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,
Students
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 spend most of their time with their tutors at school. In schools, different ways are used to teach the tutees with the help of technology, like the use of slides to explain the concept. The
teacher
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 teaches in a fun way so that
students
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 do not take studies as a burden, and they can keep up with each topic.
For example
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, in public schools, they organise distinct educational events related to their education. These events not only help
students
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 enhance their communication skills, but they
also
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 gain knowledge regarding their subjects.
To conclude
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,
although
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parents
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 are the
first
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teachers
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 of their
children
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,
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teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 has many ways to teach
students
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 in an easy way
due to
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 the advancement in technology. In my opinion,
teacher
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 has more influence than
parents
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 on the academic development of
children
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your arguments are balanced by providing equal weight to both sides of the discussion before concluding with your opinion. Although you did present both perspectives, the emphasis on teachers could be perceived as stronger than intended, leading to a slight imbalance in the discussion.
Task Achievement
Clarify your viewpoints and supporting points. For instance, when discussing how parents influence academic development, consider deepening the explanation of how this influence continues throughout a child's education, not just in early learning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using clearer transitions between paragraphs. Transition phrases can guide the reader through your argument and make the essay easier to follow, such as "On the other hand," to better contrast the influences of parents and teachers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. For example, rather than using similar sentence beginnings, mix simple, compound, and complex sentences for better readability.
Content
You provided a good understanding of the roles of parents and teachers, demonstrating the importance of both in a child's academic journey.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for successfully communicating your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • academic development
  • nurturing environment
  • foundational skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • motivation
  • academic performance
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • specialized knowledge
  • educational techniques
  • structured learning
  • learning style
  • diverse resources
  • understanding
  • retention
  • social interactions
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • balanced influence
  • effective academic development
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