Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some argue that toddlers below 12 years of age should not own smartphones,
while
others suggest it is an essential medium for all adolescents.
Although
preventing them from using mobile phones can curb the addiction, I believe restricting it would only halt a child's learning potential. Iphones and Android devices have become a nuisance for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underage kids because it is making them increasingly addicted. Mobile applications and games are now turning out to be a substitute for fun outdoor activities which promotes bonding and social skills among infants at an early age.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they are growing up as introverts and are not comfortable with talking to people.
For example
, a recent study by WHO published in 2021 suggests that kids in the USA are suffering from depression
due to
lack
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a lack
show examples
of
socail
Correct your spelling
social
skills and prefer spending their time in a corner of their houses playing mobile games.
However
,
this
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
can be taken care
by
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of by
show examples
good parenting. But if we prevent these folks from using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
at all,
then
we will be only halting their learning potential and nothing else. Children especially of
this
age have an immense curiosity about everything
around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
show examples
.
This
can be satiated by opening the world of information, which is available just a button away.
More
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The more
show examples
they navigate different websites,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
they learn and it is
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
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that provides
this
level of convenience.
For example
, a
6 year old
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6-year-old
show examples
kid who came
in
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on
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The Ellen DeGeneres show was able to memorize the entire periodic table by heart simply by learning through her dad's Google Pixel.
This
experimental way of learning and development falls in line with the way I go about new things. In conclusion,
while
taking away these
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
curb a child's addiction to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in some form, I think they provide enormous convenience in brain growth, which is far more
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
stage.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task response
Although the essay addresses the task well, it could benefit from a clearer, more balanced discussion of both views. Make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence for both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally clear, but there are some areas where the ideas could be developed further. Ensuring each point is fully developed and well-supported will enhance the essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Using a variety of linking words and phrases can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear overview of the essay's argument.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic and the ability to discuss multiple viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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