At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of these situations outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s time, some countries experience a decreasing
number
of elderly population compared with the
number
of working-age
people
.
This
has benefits
as well as
drawbacks.
This
essay will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
and cons of
this
imbalance between
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
and younger
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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and explain why I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
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.
Correct article usage
the.
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On the one hand, a higher
number
of younger
people
means an increased
number
of working
people
. It is good for the country’s economy as the more
people
work the less they depend on the government for financial purposes. The government can spend the
taxpayers
Change to a genitive case
taxpayer's
taxpayers'
show examples
money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key areas
such
as education and healthcare
instead
of spending to manage the elderly
people
.
On the other hand
, elderly
people
are important in many ways.
Firstly
, they pass down culture, family values and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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to the younger generation.
Therefore
,
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the
show examples
loss of old age
people
means
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
younger
people
to know about their identity.
In addition
, not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
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teach their kids about heritage, but
also
they share their lived experiences which cannot be found in
anybook
Correct your spelling
any book
.
For example
, for a lot of leaders and entrepreneurs, grandparents were their
inspirations
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inspiration
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
show examples
outweighs
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outweigh
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the advantages as most of the time
younger
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the younger
show examples
generation can learn about their family values, culture
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc from the internet, but
economy
Add an article
the economy
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and
higher
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a higher
show examples
standard of living are far more important.
Submitted by gowsht on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points that will be discussed. Revising the conclusion to reflect a balanced view can also add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence. Try to elaborate on how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with more concrete details.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows an understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically separates ideas into paragraphs, making it easier to follow the argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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