IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of these situations outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today’s time, some countries experience a decreasing
number
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 of elderly population compared with the
number
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 of working-age
people
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.
This
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 has benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
this
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 imbalance between
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 and younger
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 and explain why I believe that
advantages
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the advantages
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outweighs
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outweigh
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.
Correct article usage
the.
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 On the one hand, a higher
number
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 of younger
people
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 means an increased
number
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 of working
people
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. It is good for the country’s economy as the more
people
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 work the less they depend on the government for financial purposes. The government can spend the
taxpayers
Change to a genitive case
taxpayer's
taxpayers'
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 money on
the
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apply
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key areas
such
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 as education and healthcare
instead
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 of spending to manage the elderly
people
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.
On the other hand
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, elderly
people
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 are important in many ways.
Firstly
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, they pass down culture, family values and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 to the younger generation.
Therefore
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,
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the
show examples
loss of old age
people
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 means
loss
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the loss
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for
Change preposition
of
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 younger
people
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 to know about their identity.
In addition
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, not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
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 teach their kids about heritage, but
also
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 they share their lived experiences which cannot be found in
anybook
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any book
.
For example
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, for a lot of leaders and entrepreneurs, grandparents were their
inspirations
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inspiration
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. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
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 the advantages as most of the time
younger
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the younger
show examples
 generation can learn about their family values, culture
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc from the internet, but
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 and
higher
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a higher
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 standard of living are far more important.

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points that will be discussed. Revising the conclusion to reflect a balanced view can also add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence. Try to elaborate on how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with more concrete details.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows an understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically separates ideas into paragraphs, making it easier to follow the argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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