At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of these situations outweigh the disadvantages?
In today’s time, some countries experience a decreasing loss of old age
number
of elderly population compared with the number
of working-age people
. This
has benefits as well as
drawbacks. This
essay will discuss pros
and cons of Correct article usage
the pros
this
imbalance between older
and younger Correct article usage
the older
population
and explain why I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
populations
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
.
On the one hand, a higher Correct article usage
the.
number
of younger people
means an increased number
of working people
. It is good for the country’s economy as the more people
work the less they depend on the government for financial purposes. The government can spend the taxpayers
money on Change to a genitive case
taxpayer's
taxpayers'
the
key areas Correct article usage
apply
such
as education and healthcare instead
of spending to manage the elderly people
.
On the other hand
, elderly people
are important in many ways. Firstly
, they pass down culture, family values and tradition
to the younger generation. Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
Therefore
,Correct article usage
the
people
means loss
Correct article usage
the loss
for
younger Change preposition
of
people
to know about their identity. In addition
, not only they
teach their kids about heritage, but Add a missing verb
do they
also
they share their lived experiences which cannot be found in anybook
. Correct your spelling
any book
For example
, for a lot of leaders and entrepreneurs, grandparents were their inspirations
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
outweighs
the advantages as most of the time Change the verb form
outweigh
younger
generation can learn about their family values, culture Correct article usage
the younger
and
etc from the internet, but Correct word choice
apply
economy
and Add an article
the economy
higher
standard of living are far more important.Correct article usage
a higher
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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points that will be discussed. Revising the conclusion to reflect a balanced view can also add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence. Try to elaborate on how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with more concrete details.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows an understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically separates ideas into paragraphs, making it easier to follow the argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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