IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fresh water has become a global problem for the world.What are the causes of it.What meaaures government and individual should take to resolve to the problem?Give reaaon e.g for your answer :

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These days, international inhabitants' lifestyles are so varied from the past, but their matters are increased
for instance
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 fresh
water
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, which is the main global issue.
This
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 essay discusses the main reason for it and how can we solve it. Freshwater like other problems has several reasons
such
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 as overpopulation and industries which
use
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 a great deal of
water
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.
Firstly
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, today, the figure of facilities that help people to have comfortable lives is climbing;
additionally
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, healthcare is improved and fewer children have been dying;
as a result
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, the number of communities who live on Earth has risen.
In addition
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, they
use
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 a lot of
water
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 for doing their daily work namely, cooking, washing not only clothes but
also
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 dishes, taking a shower, and so on.
Secondly
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, when the goods that we
use
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jump
Add the particle
to jump
show examples
, our factories enhance;
besides
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, these companies need massive
water
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 to produce their product.
this
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 question is able to be solved when governments take a lot of taxes from both industries and farms that utilize too much
water
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 and it is important that societies
use
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 separate
water
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 for washing and drinking. On the one side, when authorities alter their laws and when they
use
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 a lot of
water
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 to receive a huge amount of cost,
then
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 firms and farmers replace the methods that need less
water
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instead
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 of prior ways. it is crucial that international citizens
use
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 fresh
water
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 for either cooking or drinking;
furthermore
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, refine their grey
water
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 for other sectors that are not really fresh
water
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 like washing.
To sum up
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, the fact that fresh
water
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 is a really important element in the world and have to
use
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 a range of solutions to solve
this
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 strategic issue by alternative industrial ways and people's opinions.

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cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. For example, mix longer, complex sentences with shorter, simpler ones.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on some of your points with specific examples or statistics to give your arguments more weight. For instance, mention specific industries that consume large amounts of water.
task achievement
Work on eliminating minor grammatical and punctuation errors, as these can distract the reader and affect clarity.
task achievement
You clearly stated the main causes of the freshwater problem and suggested realistic solutions, demonstrating an understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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