Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The global
Correct article usage
Global
show examples
sugar
consumption has significantly surged over the past few years,
consequently
, leading to an increase in health problems. To mitigate
this
issue, many people
advodate
Correct your spelling
advocate
that drinks and food
products
that contain high
sugar
levels should be made more expensive. I strongly concur with the suggestion as I believe that high costs would discourage people from buying
such
products
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, we have observed an increase in
snacking
Correct article usage
the snacking
show examples
culture leading to various health problems. Empirical evidence from various studies proves that diseases
such
as obesity and diabetes have substantially increased,
furthermore
, the statistics show that the main cause of
this
rise is poor eating habits and
Correct article usage
a sedantary
show examples
sedantary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle. To overcome
this
challenge, reducing
sugar
intake is paramount, and the most effective way to do so is to make it less easily available by increasing the
prices
. Increasing
prices
will make these
products
less affordable, decreasing consumption.
However
, high
prices
alone would not be efficient, the introduction of low-
sugar
alternatives at lower
prices
is
also
necessary.
For instance
, the
Coco-Cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
show examples
company introduced Diet
Coke
, but it was a little more expensive than regular
Coke
, so the majority of individuals preferred to continue drinking regular
Coke
as it was cost-effective. A survey was done, and the conclusion suggested that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Diet
Coke
was cheaper, more consumers would be motivated to purchase it. In conclusion, there is a dire need to bring some changes to control global
sugar
consumption, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health problems are skyrocketing. The most important step is to make the
products
with
high-
Correct your spelling
high sugar
show examples
sugar
levels less affordable to the general public, so they have to think twice before purchasing them.
Furthermore
, introducing healthier
products
at cheaper
prices
would encourage people to make better choices.
Submitted by khushichhillar on

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task achievement
While the essay offers a solid response to the prompt, ensure that each main point is elaborated with more specific details and perhaps additional examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally well-structured, strive for slightly smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the tone, clearly stating your position on the topic. The conclusion also succinctly wraps up your arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The use of empirical evidence, such as the mention of studies linking sugar consumption to health problems, strengthens the credibility of your points. Including realistic examples like the case of Diet Coke makes your argument more tangible.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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