IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are some violent cartoon characters on Tv such as Mickey mouse, which bring negative influence to children. Do you agree or disagree? What types of TV programs are suitable for children

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the concurrent arena,
children
Use synonyms
 are influenced by cartoon characters. Many of the
cartoons
Use synonyms
 have a negative impact on the kids like Micky Mouse because he is considered a violent character. I agree with it. The forthcoming paragraph sheds light on those channels that are not contagious for
fosters
Wrong verb form
fostering
show examples
 minds and
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity.
to begin
Linking Words
 with,
children
Use synonyms
's minds are highly impressionable, especially during the early stages of development. From ages 3 to 9,
children
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time watching
cartoons
Use synonyms
 on TV and may imitate the characters,
such
Linking Words
 as Mickey Mouse, without realizing the negative consequences. The content of many
cartoons
Use synonyms
 focuses only on fighting and abusive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted in the United Kingdom revealed that about 80% of
children
Use synonyms
 are fixated on the character BEN 10, wanting superpowers and gadgets to solve their problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, their critical thinking abilities are diminished, and they may experience various negative effects like weakened eyesight, body aches, and physical inactivity.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey was held in the United Kingdom about the effect of animation and the result was approximately 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 are obsessed with the character BEN Ten and they want supper power and gadgets to solve their problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, their critical thinking abilities are reduced, and many other drawbacks that
arises
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
 like eye-sight weakness, body aches, physically unfit. Probing ahead, there are myriads of series that increase the mental capabilities and interest to do some projects in their daily routine like watching science-based experiments; the mechanism of the r( reuse, reduce and reproduce), art manufacturing things about how to make a butterflies from paper, how to clean the society.
For instance
Linking Words
, The government of China trains their kids from pre-school about sewing, cleaning, cooking, and washing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should teach their
children
Use synonyms
 and make a timetable for their upbringing,
to sum up
Linking Words
,
cartoons
Use synonyms
 affect the mind and misguide
children
Use synonyms
 about the World but teachers and parents always guide them and show productive things that will help in the future. Meanwhile, they should watch the artistic thing and abstract art.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the issue and what each main paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Make sure the body paragraphs clearly support the main argument with specific and relevant examples. Avoid repeating points for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating examples in a way that affects coherence; use varied examples to illustrate different points.
coherence cohesion
Conclude effectively by summarizing the main points and restating your position.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impact of certain cartoons and suggesting suitable alternatives.
task achievement
Examples are provided to illustrate points, such as the survey on BEN 10 and the government programs in China.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the need for coherence by having an introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative influence
  • portrayal of conflict
  • normalizing behavior
  • desensitization to violence
  • entertaining light
  • friendship
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving
  • slapstick
  • real-world consequences
  • critical educational tools
  • moral lessons
  • social-emotional development
  • interactive learning
  • positive role models
  • expand understanding
  • suitable TV programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: