Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
think that parents
should teach their children how to be good members of society
. Others, however
, believe that school is the best place to learn this
. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Certain humans imagine that kids
should be taught by their parents
to be valuable people
of
Change preposition
in
society
, while
others trust that educational institutions are the perfect place to educate them. This
essay believes that schools are solid places to study how to be good people
in society
.
To begin
,Kids
learn certain things from their parents
by way of imitating and listening to them.Across the globe, people
have limited time
to spend with their family members due busy emloyment
lifestyle Correct your spelling
employment
as a result
parents
who are spending less time
with their kids
have allocated less time
for providing education
so It is quite difficult to learn things from mom or dad.It is therefore
disagreed that parents
are assisting their kids
to be good people
in society
. For Instance
, recent research concluded that many parents
in developed countries have spent less time
with their children only to have meals.
On the other hand
, schools are providing the required education
to students to be perfect people
in society
. The country
Change noun form
country's
education
system is well designed to develop kids
step by step by including all subjects and other activities. Accordingly
, children who become teenagers know each and every aspect of society
which will enable them to be perfect in society
. It is therefore
agreed that school education
is a must for creating a perfect person in society
. For example
, recent research concluded that many people
who hold good positions in society
are well educated
in the United Kingdom.
Add a hyphen
well-educated
To conclude
, the parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
has
limited Correct subject-verb agreement
have
time
with their family members due to
their busy lifestyle.the school education
system involves creating a perfect person in society
.Submitted by aravindasajith on
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task achievement
You have provided a clear discussion of both views and included your own opinion, which is excellent for task response. However, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and support it with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Elaborate on how schools specifically contribute to a child's development. Giving more detailed examples can improve your score further.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical flow to your essay, but it could be enhanced by using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. For instance, words like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'However' can be helpful.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Improve the clarity of your topic sentences to ensure each paragraph's main point is easily identifiable.
coherence and cohesion
Be consistent with your capitalisation and punctuation. For example, 'Kids' should be 'kids', and ensure full stops and commas are correctly placed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points and provides a clear closing statement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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