IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
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The bar chart illustrates that three different
age
Use synonyms
 and gender groups had heart attacks in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
America
Change preposition
of America
show examples
. The unit is measured in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 percentage of heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
 in males in older
age
Use synonyms
 or more than
women
Change preposition
in women
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 younger
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had
Lowest
Correct article usage
the Lowest
show examples
 side. In the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 29-
44
Add a comma
44,
show examples
 males had at 123 thousand but
according to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
groups
Add a comma
groups,
show examples
 it's significantly going up with
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 65 had at 424. In
older
Add an article
an older
the older
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 of males which are 65 and
more
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 at 440. In
females
Add a comma
females,
show examples
 there are three
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 first
group
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
history
Add an article
a history
show examples
 of 3
whereas
Linking Words
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 from 45 to 65
had at
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 136.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 which was
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
 had
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
374.
Submitted by harpreetkaur47354 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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