IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#healthcare #system #people #treatment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries have
public-funded
Correct article usage
a public-funded
show examples
 healthcare
system
Use synonyms
 to help their
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
access good doctors and medicals.
This
Linking Words
 organization helps poor or
medium class
Add a hyphen
medium-class
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 financially as the cost of medicine and medical care are very expensive but some
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 want faster and better
treatment
Use synonyms
.
I'm not agree
Change the verb form
I do not agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 was created for every person. To commence with,in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
system
Add a comma
system,
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
 should be treated and inspected equally.to elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 public
oranizations
Correct your spelling
organisations
 poor and rich
people
Use synonyms
 are evaluated by
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 doctors and nurses
.
Correct your spelling
This
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 is the back pillar of poor
people
Use synonyms
 who are
fininacially
Correct your spelling
financially
weakand
Correct your spelling
weak and
 are not able to go to big hospitals in critical illness.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example,
accoring
Correct your spelling
according
 to the medical survey by world health organization
this
Linking Words
orgazization
Correct your spelling
organization
organisation
 save more than 80,000
people
Use synonyms
 lives who are poor from back.
thus
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 very important to have
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 in our world.
furthermore
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 are willing to pay more for the best and
fast
Correct word choice
fastest
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
These
this
Linking Words
 types of
people
Use synonyms
 are not doing fair with
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
.To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,if
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 runs
according to
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 get faster and better
treatment
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 need to wait outside medical halls
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 hours or
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 some days
due to
Linking Words
 which chances of illness and death
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance,
according to
Linking Words
 world news because of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
people
Use synonyms
 almost 3000 average
people
Use synonyms
 lost their lives every year.
hence
Linking Words
 ,rich
people
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 need to
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 organization if they want better and
fast
Correct word choice
faster
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
 they can go to private
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
. In conclusion,public-funded health care
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 are best for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
,time and they can access good doctors and medical services .
Submitted by dilpreetsingh7049 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve readability and clarity.
Development
Develop ideas more fully with precise examples or explanations to better support your arguments.
Coherence
Pay attention to logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Conclusion
Refine the conclusion with a stronger summary of your main points and clearer reinforcement of your opinion.
Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing awareness of different perspectives.
Structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion.
Content
The argument in the essay reflects thoughtfulness towards social equity and fairness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Healthcare system
  • Public-funded
  • Private healthcare
  • Two-tier system
  • Equity
  • Efficiency
  • Universal access
  • Resource allocation
  • Quality of care
  • Queue skipping
  • Economic impact
  • Ethical considerations
  • Accessibility
  • Public investment
  • Health outcomes
  • Social inequality
  • Health insurance
  • Privilege
  • Funding
  • Resource distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: