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Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of phones,tablets, and other devices while walking in public places has been a concern for many commentstors. What hazards can arise if people are guided by such devices when walking down the street? How could these problems can be solved?

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The
use
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 of mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 has increased
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
.
People
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 not only
use
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 it in their
home
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homes
show examples
, but
also
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 they
use
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 it
while
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 walking in
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 which may cause a lot of problems.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 phenomenon and provide a logical solution. I believe that the reasons are the lack of awareness and the excessive
use
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 of
devices
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. One of the first problems of using
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 is When individuals are preoccupied with their
devices
Use synonyms
, they often fail to notice potential hazards,
such
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 as oncoming traffic, uneven pavement, or obstacles in their path.Another problem that needs to be considered is that excessive
use
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 of
devices
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 in public can lead to a decrease in social interactions and a sense of community, as
people
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 become more absorbed in their digital worlds.
For example
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, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 77% of the
individual
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individuals
show examples
use
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 their mobile
phone
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 in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Thus
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, they can't avoid using
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 outside. In my opinion, I think that a possible solution to
this
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 problem would be if the governments
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 introduce laws to restrict the
use
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 of electronic
devices
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while
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 walking in certain areas, and launch public awareness campaigns to educate
people
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 on the dangers.
For instance
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, China
put strik
Verb problem
plays a strong
show examples
 role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
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 problem which leads to reduce the
use
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 of
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,
cties
Correct your spelling
cities
 can implement infrastructural changes like dedicated pedestrian lanes, improved signage, and better lighting to enhance pedestrian safety and minimize distractions.
Therefore
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,
this
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 may make
people
Use synonyms
 stop using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. In conclusion, the causes of using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 could be
exagerating
Correct your spelling
exaggerating
 in social media and the lack of awareness between
people
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.
Therefore
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,the government and the
people
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 should work together to reduce
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
To improve the range of your ideas and examples, make sure each point is thoroughly developed. Try to add more specific scenarios or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Using transitional phrases can aid in this smooth flow.
general
Be mindful of your language accuracy. While minor grammatical errors are acceptable, make sure that these do not distract from your overall message.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and presents the issues to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
You provide a good conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which ties the essay together.
task achievement
Your solution section is well-considered and provides practical suggestions, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preoccupied
  • Immediate surroundings
  • Potential hazards
  • Oncoming traffic
  • Uneven pavement
  • Collisions
  • Social interactions
  • Sense of community
  • Mental health
  • Over-reliance
  • Legislation
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Restrict
  • Distraction
  • Mindful walking
  • Infrastructural changes
  • Pedestrian lanes
  • Enhanced safety
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