The use of phones,tablets, and other devices while walking in public places has been a concern for many commentstors. What hazards can arise if people are guided by such devices when walking down the street? How could these problems can be solved?

The
use
of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
has increased
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
.
People
not only
use
it in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, but
also
they
use
it
while
walking in
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
which may cause a lot of problems.
This
essay will discuss the main causes of
this
phenomenon and provide a logical solution. I believe that the reasons are the lack of awareness and the excessive
use
of
devices
. One of the first problems of using
phone
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phones
show examples
in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
is When individuals are preoccupied with their
devices
, they often fail to notice potential hazards,
such
as oncoming traffic, uneven pavement, or obstacles in their path.Another problem that needs to be considered is that excessive
use
of
devices
in public can lead to a decrease in social interactions and a sense of community, as
people
become more absorbed in their digital worlds.
For example
, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 77% of the
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
use
their mobile
phone
in public
place
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places
show examples
.
Thus
, they can't avoid using
phone
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phones
show examples
outside. In my opinion, I think that a possible solution to
this
problem would be if the governments
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
introduce laws to restrict the
use
of electronic
devices
while
walking in certain areas, and launch public awareness campaigns to educate
people
on the dangers.
For instance
, China
put strik
Verb problem
plays a strong
show examples
role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
problem which leads to reduce the
use
of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
cties
Correct your spelling
cities
can implement infrastructural changes like dedicated pedestrian lanes, improved signage, and better lighting to enhance pedestrian safety and minimize distractions.
Therefore
,
this
may make
people
stop using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. In conclusion, the causes of using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
could be
exagerating
Correct your spelling
exaggerating
in social media and the lack of awareness between
people
.
Therefore
,the government and the
people
should work together to reduce
this
issue.
Submitted by 13570581 on

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task achievement
To improve the range of your ideas and examples, make sure each point is thoroughly developed. Try to add more specific scenarios or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Using transitional phrases can aid in this smooth flow.
general
Be mindful of your language accuracy. While minor grammatical errors are acceptable, make sure that these do not distract from your overall message.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and presents the issues to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
You provide a good conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which ties the essay together.
task achievement
Your solution section is well-considered and provides practical suggestions, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preoccupied
  • Immediate surroundings
  • Potential hazards
  • Oncoming traffic
  • Uneven pavement
  • Collisions
  • Social interactions
  • Sense of community
  • Mental health
  • Over-reliance
  • Legislation
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Restrict
  • Distraction
  • Mindful walking
  • Infrastructural changes
  • Pedestrian lanes
  • Enhanced safety
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