some people argue that spending a lot on celebrations, such as weddings or birthdays, is a waste of money. Others think it is important for people and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
celebrations
make lots of valuable memories for future
despite of that Correct article usage
the future
it
can cost high prices which Correct pronoun usage
they
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
for
effort Change preposition
to
due to
some people discuss
Wrong verb form
discussing
about
spending excessively is just a waste of money.Change preposition
that
however
, other Capitalize word
However
society
think it is necessary for Change the wording
societies
the
society.I believe that sort of tho Correct article usage
apply
seevents
memorable circumstances.
Correct your spelling
events
servants
To begin
with, we should do
empathize at that moment because not everyone can Unnecessary verb
apply
efford
huge Correct your spelling
afford
events
for their special occasions due to
they can tend to be the
harmful person for Correct article usage
apply
the
society because financial issues can force Correct article usage
apply
the
people to damage Correct article usage
apply
surrounding
them.The other reason can be environmental issues because huge Correct article usage
the surrounding
celebrations
can lead to significant waste and environmental damage.Also
many countries have gunshoots to show their happiness but it is totally mindfulness because someone can be hurt by that indecent shoot.
Add a comma
Also,
on the other hand
, celebrations
can make a lot of memories as l mentioned first paragraph and also
it plays a significant role in cultural heritage.these sort of celebrations
shows the identity of the country and pass on traditions to the younger generations.Moreover
, those events
give the
opportunities for family and friends to come together.Cultural Correct article usage
apply
events
can be beneficial for the economic impacts as well such
as catering ,event planning and tourism.Moreover
, events
can get away you from your ordinary life to into
happiness so you can forget and enjoy your life shortly.
Change preposition
apply
To sum up
, money is the most important issue for celebrations
and it can lead to individual economic issues otherwise
everyone willing to celebrate and collect lots of memories.In my opinionmoney
is just the second option and the important thing is Correct your spelling
opinion money
of
your enjoy life.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by temelmelisa9 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs with topic sentences, and end with a conclusion. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
There were some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that made parts of your essay difficult to understand. Try to proofread your work or ask someone to help you review it.
task achievement
While you provided some arguments and points, they were not always well-developed or supported with clear examples. Ensure your points are substantiated to make a stronger case.
task achievement
Your essay touches on important aspects of the topic, but it needs to be more detailed. Add examples and explanations to enhance your points and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of your language use and how it affects the clarity of your argument. Simplify sentences if needed, and focus on one idea at a time.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the requirement of the question prompt.
task achievement
You presented some valid points about the benefits and drawbacks of celebrations, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.