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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
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In the chart it provides key information about
heart
Use synonyms
 attacks by
age
Use synonyms
 and gender in
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
use
,these units are measured in thousands,
overall
Linking Words
 it's clear from the chart that the younger population
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 their
age
Use synonyms
 fall
btween
Correct your spelling
between
 29-44 have a low risk
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting
heart
Use synonyms
 attack and who
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 ages fall
btween
Correct your spelling
between
 65+ the numbers increase specifically women
due to
Linking Words
thier
Correct your spelling
their
age
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 chart shows that women have a lower risk in getting a
heart
Use synonyms
 attack compared to men, men can get a
heart
Use synonyms
 attack even in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
young
age
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their body system and functions
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 women
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 body and functioning systems are different
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 men which makes them live longer.
Submitted by joudalasaker on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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