These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Some people think that living in
different
country far away from their hometown is better, Add an article
a different
while
the
others think that being far away from you'Correct article usage
apply
re
family and home is very difficult since it's a new city there for you're
all by
Change preposition
on
you'
Unnecessary verb
you
re
own, living in different hometown can beneficial for many reasons it helps grow you're
personality including facing you're
fears which makes you the better version of yourself.
Since some cities have bigger job opportunities as well as
better education people prefer to leave their country for a better degree or a higher financial income those are the most common reasons for them to leave.
Others are willing to get a scholarship in some universities where they can develop thier
language to get a better degree and explore other cultures Correct your spelling
their
where
others prefer to live in a hotter city as Correct word choice
whereas
result
of the cold city they live in it seems for them it's tough to always be Add an article
a result
surownded
with snow causes a huge negative affect in you'Correct your spelling
surrounded
re
daily life it can be a bit challenging like dangerous roads many horrifying car accidents that
is
a logical reason to move out.
In some cases the country isn't very advanced in technology Change the verb form
are
togther
with an absence of security women are suffering from harassment cases Correct your spelling
together
mojorty
of them haven't gotten their rights yet Correct your spelling
Most
that
puches them towards exploring other options to protect themselves and Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
families, settling down in town Change the word
their
that is
filled with crime cases can be horrific.
I personally believe that exploring different citys
can be a wonderful experience it teaches you a lot about yourself and other people it makes it easier for you to cope in new places Correct your spelling
cities
further more
making new friends from different areas, Correct your spelling
furthermore
although
it could be very scary to jump out of you're
comfort zone and handle things all by yourself nervertheless
it's for the best.Correct your spelling
nevertheless
Submitted by joudalasaker on
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Coherence and Cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your points. However, your essay would benefit greatly from a clearer logical structure. For instance, separating your main points into distinct paragraphs would make your arguments more readable and coherent.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported with relevant examples. While you mentioned several reasons why people move away from their hometowns (e.g., job opportunities, education, climate, safety), not all points were equally developed or supported with specific examples.
Task Achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, focus on using more specific examples and explaining them thoroughly. For instance, you mentioned women suffering from harassment, but did not provide specific instances or how this affects their daily lives and decisions to move.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task by presenting multiple reasons why people might move away from their hometown. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You have a balanced view and consider different perspectives in your essay, which adds depth to your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and provide a good frame for your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.