IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show one government's spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in the same years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show one government's spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in the same years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #government #culture #education #people #arts #events #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of funds allocated
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the culture and development of
arts
 in 1995 and 2005 year,
while
 the bar chart
potrayed
Correct your spelling
portrays
 the quantity of citizens of
unnamed
Add an article
the unnamed
an unnamed
show examples
 country
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in dissimilar
arts
 occupations in the same years. First and foremost, music, which was the most prominent one,
takes
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 just under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of all government
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995.
In addition
, the areas that were
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 3rd and
4-th
Correct your spelling
4th
 places were theatre and literature areas
respectvely
Correct your spelling
respectively
. Meanwhile, right about a quarter of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
budget goes
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 visual
arts
.
By contrast
, after a decade the figures stabilized with theatre and music both
stands
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1st place with approximately 36% for each.
Similarly
, visual
arts
 and literature
took
Verb problem
accounted
show examples
 equally 15% of funding for development in 2005.
On the other hand
,
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 group clearly shows that individuals who are interested in
musician
Replace the word
music
show examples
, the major section with just over 160.000 people in 2005 and almost 120.000 in 1995,
while
 the book readers remained unchanged at
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of about 25.000 human beings.
To sum up
, it is obvious that the most essential sector for society is music with both —
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 funds and
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of humans in it.
Submitted by adilbek300108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words arts with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • budget allocation
  • noticeable rise
  • sharper increase
  • upward trend
  • distribution
  • participation rates
  • government funding
  • arts events
  • financial commitment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: