Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 word
Nowadays, there are
people
who guess that success can be count
by Wrong verb form
counted
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
. Others believe that the people
who are working for the
humankind like tutors and researchers are more successful. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay, I want to discuss both points of view and try to achieve a logical conclusion.
First of all, I want to discover the point of view which says that the
Correct article usage
apply
money
is the measure of success. In
the one hand, it looks very Change preposition
On
logically
- you are working a Change the word
logical
lot
, so you have a lot
of money
. On the other hand
, I'm convinced, that there are a lot
of people
all over the world, that they are working tough, but the money
goes to their owners. Furthermore
, it seems that friquently
Correct your spelling
frequently
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
is the symbol of the ability to make it work
, more than ability
to Add an article
the ability
work
hard yourself. In
instance, we can see many great international companies with Change preposition
For
thousand
of workers, Correct your spelling
thousands
that
are working hard Correct pronoun usage
who
with
Change preposition
for
the
very Correct article usage
apply
little
wages. They are poor, and their owner Correct word choice
low
are
very wealthy.
Change the verb form
is
Secondly
, in a lot
of the
Correct article usage
apply
countries
Add a comma
countries,
people
like teachers and doctors are working hard mostly because of their love to
their Change preposition
for
work
, not for a wage. There are a lot
of examples of tha
lack of respect Correct your spelling
the
to
Change preposition
for
such
a professions
like doctors, teachers, and nurses, with the Correct the article-noun agreement
professions
a profession
money
that is
not commensurate with the difficulty of their work
.
In my humble opinion, what we have to do is to equiate
the respect and the wage of the Correct your spelling
equate
people
that
they are working for the future of humanity, with the difficulty of their Correct word choice
apply
work
.
In conclusion, the quantity of money
is not an indicator of your work
and contributing
to Replace the word
contribution
the
society. We have to highlight the Correct article usage
apply
people
who are working hard for our future.Submitted by anastasia on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views of the topic and provides your own opinion. However, try to avoid minor spelling and grammar mistakes to enhance clarity. For example, 'count' should be 'counted,' and 'guess' should be 'think.'
task achievement
Even though your ideas are quite clear, be careful with spelling and word choice. For example, 'eqiate' should be 'equate,' and 'tough' should be 'hard.'
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points better. For instance, when discussing teachers and doctors, mentioning specific scenarios or relevant cases could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. For example, use transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'Consequently.'
supported main points
The essay could benefit from more detailed support for the main points. For instance, provide concrete examples or statistical data to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to increase readability. For example, eliminate run-on sentences and ensure proper use of punctuation.
task achievement
You have clearly attempted to address both views comprehensively, which is excellent.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are present and concise, which helps frame the essay neatly.
supported main points
You've shown a good understanding of the topic and attempted to support your main points, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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