Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some would argue that
it’s
better for boys
and girls
to study
in different school
, Fix the agreement mistake
schools
while
others claim that more benefical
for children to get an education in Correct your spelling
beneficial
mixed
Add an article
a mixed
school
. I believe that it’s
good for girls
and boys
to be in mixed school
as it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
help
them to be more social, Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
although
in separate schools it’s
may make them Unnecessary verb
it
be
more Verb problem
apply
focus
Replace the word
focused
in
their Change preposition
on
studies
.
On the one hand, let
Wrong verb form
letting
girls
and boys
study
in mixed school
would be Fix the agreement mistake
schools
benefit
for them as it makes them more social, and have more relationships that will help them in the future. Replace the word
beneficial
Be
in mixed schools Wrong verb form
Being
help
them to deal Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
polity
with Change preposition
with polity
other
Correct article usage
the other
gender
, as Fix the agreement mistake
genders
it’s
important
Correct article usage
an important
skills
to learn Fix the agreement mistake
skill
since
Change preposition
from
childhool
. Correct your spelling
childhood
For example
, boys
who was
in mixed Change the verb form
were
school
show more respect to Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Add an article
the girl
a girl
girl
and deal polity with them, Fix the agreement mistake
girls
for
this
reason, I firmly support to let
Change the verb form
letting
girls
and boys
to
get Change the verb form
apply
education
in mixed Correct article usage
an education
school
to help them to have good social Fix the agreement mistake
schools
skills
.
On the other hand
, when children attend separate schools, it will make the
Correct pronoun usage
them
focus
on their studies
, as there’s no opposite sex to deal with. They will spend more time on study
than spend time on relationships. For instance
, I finish
Wrong verb form
finished
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
in separate
Add an article
a separate
school
, and I was
Change the verb form
was focused
was focusing
focus
on my studies
and try
to have a high Wrong verb form
tried
result
in my Fix the agreement mistake
results
exam
. Fix the agreement mistake
exams
However
, it’s
good for girls
and boys
to focus
in
their Change preposition
on
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
but
Correct word choice
and
also
let them to
improve their social Change the verb form
apply
skills
.
In conclusion, although
to let
Change the verb form
letting
girls
and boys
study
in separate school
will make them Fix the agreement mistake
schools
focus
in
their Change preposition
on
studies
, but
it will be more Correct word choice
apply
benefit
for Replace the word
beneficial
girls
and boys
to study
in mixed school
, to improve their social Fix the agreement mistake
schools
skills
.Submitted by daliaakram35 on
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task achievement
In the argument for mixed schools, adding more specific examples or studies which show benefits of mixed schooling can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly in each paragraph to showcase a deeper understanding of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammatical errors to ensure clarity. For instance, 'it’s may make them be more focus in their studies,' could be corrected to 'it might help them to focus more on their studies.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. The transition from discussing mixed schools to separate schools can be made more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas. You mentioned improving social skills in both the introduction and body, instead, focus on expanding different aspects of the argument.
task achievement
The essay discusses both viewpoints with a clear stand on the preferred opinion, demonstrating a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a frame for the essay, reflecting the necessary structure for coherence.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.