Some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in theirexams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Achieving the highest
score
in
exams
is not easy, as
students
need to spare their time to study and do exercises.
Therefore
, some people argue that these
students
should be rewarded.
However
, other people do not agree with
this
opinion and say that the
students
who
perform
Verb problem
make
show examples
good progress should be given
rewards
. Personally, I agree with the first opinion that
rewards
should be obtained by the
one
who
achieve
Change the verb form
achieves
show examples
the highest
score
. To achieve the highest
score
, the
students
must sacrifice their playing time to study. It can be reading books, doing exercises or taking courses. By reading books, the knowledge from them can be absorbed, making the
exams
seem easier. The same thing applies when doing exercises and taking courses, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
students
used to solving problems from
exams
.
Therefore
, the
one
who can become the best among
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
enthusiast
Replace the word
enthusiastic
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
should get
an
Change the article
a
show examples
reward.
This
can make
students
compete for the presents and boost their spirits.
For example
, they
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
that their friends are better than them, so they will work harder in order to exceed each other.
Thus
, providing awards for the best
one
has a positive impact. Having good progress is
also
a good achievement, meaning it is hard to obtain. It is not like
get
Change the form of the verb
getting
show examples
the highest
score
in the
exams
, but more like it has a high increase in the exam
score
compared to the previous
score
. To make
this
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
show examples
, the
students
should work
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
and reduce their playing time.
For instance
, they must try to find their previous mistake,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. By doing
this
regularly, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
sense if they have an increase in their
score
.
Therefore
, they deserve to get
rewards
. In conclusion, both having the best
score
in
exams
or having good progress compared to the previous
one
deserve to get
rewards
, as it is hard to
be achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
, except by working hard.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task by discussing both views and stating your opinion, which is good. However, ensure that the reasons and examples provided for each opinion are more comprehensive and specific.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is essential to help structure the essay. Try to make the introduction more engaging and the conclusion more summarizing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the ideas flow quite well from one to the next. Nevertheless, improve the transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs for better cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is well-explained with clear and precise examples. Avoid repetition and work on expanding your ideas further.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both views, achieving balance and demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Good logical flow and structure in the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, creating a proper essay framework.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • incentive
  • motivation
  • competitive spirit
  • growth mindset
  • innate ability
  • effort
  • improvement
  • inclusive
  • recognition
  • achievement
  • progress
  • struggle
  • balance
  • inclusive learning environment
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